[lopealle]

SO how weird is it that we make these fun race threads and I end up finding out my in-laws don't like me because i'm black. FML.....

The wife and I wre having some pillow talk and she told me that her mom hates me because i'm black. Now I am in now way surprised about this she has always acted a little funny around me. When she visits she only comes while I am deployed. The weird thing is whenever she needed money I never hesitated to give it to her and she never said no to it. Now like all marriages they have their ups and downs. When my wife and I were going through it she told her mom (big mistake) about it. Mind you I have never hit my wife or anything like that. So now my mother-in-law thinks that I treat her daughter horribly and thinks that I am a bad father. So now she wants to come visit and i'm ready to say no, but my other side says tun other cheek and kill her with kindness. Being that she is visiting while i'm here gives me the opportunity to confront her about this. Although the evil in me wants to make sure i'm in her face the whole time so she can always look at me.

What do you guys think I should do?

[BTM]

Are you sure it's because your black? If you were having a rough time in the marriage and your wife's go to sympathizer was her mom, I guarantee you her mom heard a very unbalanced and unflattering portrayal of you - perhaps this is a contributing factor.

If it is indeed because the fact you are black, then confronting her won't do anything but create on obvious rift IMO. You know, but she doesn't know you do. She's obviously an older woman and probably past the point of truly "changing"

[Oregano123]

Tell her youre evil.

[immiketoo]

Nothing like a little drama to be used as an excuse for the racism to come out. I'm sorry for you man. That is a tough hurdle. As long as you and your wife are cool, who cares. I have always found its best to confront racism openly, that way there is not deep seated repressed feelings.

[kabalm18]

Originally Posted by lopealle

SO how weird is it that we make these fun race threads and I end up finding out my in-laws don't like me because i'm black. FML.....

The wife and I wre having some pillow talk and she told me that her mom hates me because i'm black. Now I am in now way surprised about this she has always acted a little funny around me. When she visits she only comes while I am deployed. The weird thing is whenever she needed money I never hesitated to give it to her and she never said no to it. Now like all marriages they have their ups and downs. When my wife and I were going through it she told her mom (big mistake) about it. Mind you I have never hit my wife or anything like that. So now my mother-in-law thinks that I treat her daughter horribly and thinks that I am a bad father. So now she wants to come visit and i'm ready to say no, but my other side says tun other cheek and kill her with kindness. Being that she is visiting while i'm here gives me the opportunity to confront her about this. Although the evil in me wants to make sure i'm in her face the whole time so she can always look at me.

What do you guys think I should do?

Dude, the mom in law is going to hate you no matter what...white, black, asian...whatever. I know mine does but it has a little to do with her being jealous of my wife and I think she hates her also.

Aside from that, interracial relationships are hard. I remember when I was with my ex(if you remember, i told you my babys momma is black), they would always say rascist shit when drinking. Her mom and brother...its hard dude...anyway...

Marriage is hard enough as it is...you guys dont need the added strain of her bullshit added on to it. She needs to tell her mom to live with it or get the fuck out. And let her know your kids are going to be half black. If she doesnt like it, she needs to fuck off.

[SonnyJack]

Originally Posted by lopealle

SO how weird is it that we make these fun race threads and I end up finding out my in-laws don't like me because i'm black. FML.....

The wife and I wre having some pillow talk and she told me that her mom hates me because i'm black. Now I am in now way surprised about this she has always acted a little funny around me. When she visits she only comes while I am deployed. The weird thing is whenever she needed money I never hesitated to give it to her and she never said no to it. Now like all marriages they have their ups and downs. When my wife and I were going through it she told her mom (big mistake) about it. Mind you I have never hit my wife or anything like that. So now my mother-in-law thinks that I treat her daughter horribly and thinks that I am a bad father. So now she wants to come visit and i'm ready to say no, but my other side says tun other cheek and kill her with kindness. Being that she is visiting while i'm here gives me the opportunity to confront her about this. Although the evil in me wants to make sure i'm in her face the whole time so she can always look at me.

What do you guys think I should do?

Me thinks perhaps your wife has not been totally honest about what she told her mother. Try to find a non-confrontational way to get her to open up about EXACTLY what she said to her mother.

As for the visit, let her come and just be yourself. No need to shower her with kindness or be otherwise fake. You married your wife, not your mother-in-law and if mother-in-law has problems with you then that's her issue to overcome. Your wife also needs to get on board and stand up to her mother concerning you.

Sit your wife down and tell her how you feel and tell her she needs to have your back on this one. No ifs, ands, or buts.

[shamoo]

Wow that's a tough spot to be in. May I ask what nationality your wife/her parents are? Some people are brought up differently (different generation) and it's tough to change what's in their head.

Unfortunately my parents are the same way (Chinese). If I married any non-Asian person I don't even know what would happen. Every non-Asian girl I dated, they said pretty bad things about them.

[radix]

Originally Posted by lopealle

What do you guys think I should do?

Nothing. I'm being completely serious BTW. IMO The correct answer is nothing. Just live your life as best you can and be kind to your wife, your baby, and your mother in law. From what little of your personality I can glean from your posts, you seem to be a friendly guy, so this shouldn't be a problem.

If your mother in law is indeed racist, then you will probably will not change her views and confronting her will only further exacerbate any negative feelings she might have toward you. Interrogating your wife about conversations she's had with her mother will also only serve to further deepen any divide that may already exist.

Only through your actions can you control how others perceive you. Trying to convince your mother in law to abandon a racist mentality will probably be a futile effort, if not do more harm than good. Since you can only control yourself, be nice to her in spite of her faults, you'll harbor more good will that way than through being confrontational.

[lopealle]

Originally Posted by BTM

Are you sure it's because your black? If you were having a rough time in the marriage and your wife's go to sympathizer was her mom, I guarantee you her mom heard a very unbalanced and unflattering portrayal of you - perhaps this is a contributing factor.

If it is indeed because the fact you are black, then confronting her won't do anything but create on obvious rift IMO. You know, but she doesn't know you do. She's obviously an older woman and probably past the point of truly "changing"

Yeah it's becaue i'm black. My brother-in-law has already told me.

Originally Posted by bmwhype

Tell her youre evil.

I would like to

Originally Posted by immiketoo

Nothing like a little drama to be used as an excuse for the racism to come out. I'm sorry for you man. That is a tough hurdle. As long as you and your wife are cool, who cares. I have always found its best to confront racism openly, that way there is not deep seated repressed feelings.

I plan on bringing it ip when she comes down

Originally Posted by kaba
lm18;7993887

Dude, the mom in law is going to hate you no matter what...white, black, asian...whatever. I know mine does but it has a little to do with her being jealous of my wife and I think she hates her also.

Aside from that, interracial relationships are hard. I remember when I was with my ex(if you remember, i told you my babys momma is black), they would always say rascist shit when drinking. Her mom and brother...its hard dude...anyway...


Marriage is hard enough as it is...you guys dont need the added strain of her bullshit added on to it. She needs to tell her mom to live with it or get the fuck out. And let her know your kids are going to be half black. If she doesnt like it, she needs to fuck off.

i feel your pain bro. my wife is a beaner (Mexican). I wouldnt say the in law is jealous. her family has sort of disgusting relationship. like nobody moves out on their own or anything. her brothers are 28 and 24 and still live at home. weird to me. maybe i was just raised different.i totally agree with the fuck off if you dont like it.

Originally Posted by SonnyJack

Me thinks perhaps your wife has not been totally honest about what she told her mother. Try to find a non-confrontational way to get her to open up about EXACTLY what she said to her mother.

As for the visit, let her come and just be yourself. No need to shower her with kindness or be otherwise fake. You married your wife, not your mother-in-law and if mother-in-law has problems with you then that's her issue to overcome. Your wife also needs to get on board and stand up to her mother concerning you.

Sit your wife down and tell her how you feel and tell her she needs to have your back on this one. No ifs, ands, or buts.

dude i asked the wife what she said when her mom was going about that shit and all she said is that she told her mom ok. i was like wtf you didnt stand up for us. where the hell is the loyalty?

Originally Posted by shamoo

Wow that's a tough spot to be in. May I ask what nationality your wife/her parents are? Some people are brought up differently (different generation) and it's tough to change what's in their head.

Unfortunately my parents are the same way (Chinese). If I married any non-Asian person I don't even know what would happen. Every non-Asian girl I dated, they said pretty bad things about them.

my wifes family is mexican. i totally understand about the generations believing in different things. but im like its not your relationship so dont worry about it. as long as she is happy and taken care of mind your business.

[JayKay335i]

Damn racist. As soon as you hear black you automatically talk about hitting your wife.

[lopealle]

Originally Posted by JayKay335i

Damn racist. As soon as you hear black you automatically talk about hitting your wife.

her mom thought i was hitting her too

[JayKay335i]

Originally Posted by lopealle

her mom thought i was hitting her too

So you're both racist. Its fine. I accept you for who you are.

[kabalm18]

Originally Posted by lopealle

her mom thought i was hitting her too

As long as you have a job and not hitting her in any way that will leave a mark then you are good!

[JayKay335i]

What a dirtbag

[Javi335]

I think mama feels fooled with Obama's promises in spanish and now she hate on every black.

[JayKay335i]

White people only liked Obama for a week or so.

[Javi335]

we share a dream, that working hard your family can success, that if you get sick you have a medical insurance. That our sons can get a good education, no matter if you are rich or poor. This is the american dream. I ask your vote, not only for me and the democracts, but for keep that dream alive for you and your family.

I am barack Obama. i aprove this message

[JayKay335i]

Originally Posted by Javi335

we share a dream, that working hard your family can success, that if you get sick you have a medical insurance. That our sons can get a good education, no matter if you are rich or poor. This is the american dream. I ask your vote, not only for me and the democracts, but for keep that dream alive for you and your family.

I am barack Obama. i aprove this message

Actually, it translates to "I take white peoples money, and give it away. Than I will proceed to fuck those white people up the ass with health insurance costs. But the poor can have it for free, because they deserve it."

[CIGARGUY]

I think I agree with the "do nothing more than be yourself" approach. Even confronting the situation politely could escalate things. I'm a pretty easy going guy and you seem to be too, but I completely understand how you feel. When I feel slighted, something in me wants nothing more than to set things straight.

As far as your wife is concerned, she does need to take a stand and tell her mother her behavior is unacceptable. This is her life, her decision, and her mother's actions or feeling can have a severe impact on her grandchildren. If for nobody else's sake, she needs to keep herself in check for them.

[NYCGarbagePrince]

Originally Posted by radix

Nothing. I'm being completely serious BTW. IMO The correct answer is nothing. Just live your life as best you can and be kind to your wife, your baby, and your mother in law. From what little of your personality I can glean from your posts, you seem to be a friendly guy, so this shouldn't be a problem.

If your mother in law is indeed racist, then you will probably will not change her views and confronting her will only further exacerbate any negative feelings she might have toward you. Interrogating your wife about conversations she's had with her mother will also only serve to further deepen any divide that may already exist.

Only through your actions can you control how others perceive you. Trying to convince your mother in law to abandon a racist mentality will probably be a futile effort, if not do more harm than good. Since you can only control yourself, be nice to her in spite of her faults, you'll harbor more good will that way than through being confrontational.

If you don't do this^^^^^^^^ You are only going to make your relationship more difficult. Swallow your pride. It's just not worth it. Love your wife and your child.

[UltimateBMW]

+1 for Radix.

Consider this visit as an audit. You should be 100% business as usual. No incidents, no confrontations. Let her just be in and out, as it were.

[Feyd]

+ 11ty on just being you... If you and your wife are happy screw everyone else.

Remember all of the selfish, bitchy, controlling "kids" you knew while growing up? That behavior doesn't go away with age, if anything it only get's worse. It should be nothing new to you that there are actually quite a few adults out there who act like they are 10 years old. Life is too short to be walking on egg-shells the whole time so just be yourself and don't get all wrapped up in it if you can help it.



You keep mentioning "her mom", but where is "her dad"?


I'm assuming that he is out of the picture for whatever reason... If that is the case then I think it's a safe assumption that her mom is either (1) jealous because the daughter has someone, or (2) just hates all men because they didn't treat her right.

NOTHING will ever change her mom's outlook on life with regard to this, so just move on..

Good luck.