[bringsmewomen]

I have a friend who's dating a girl right now. He needs some advice and I've been trying my best to guide him but I don't know what to tell him myself. She seems to be very sweet, down to earth and easy going. It has the potential to be a serious relationship. There's two big problems though that are kind of related to each other. One is a health issue. She has autoimmunity disease. It's a disease in which instead of attacking outside germs, the immune system attacks the own body at times. It doesn't currently seem to be life threatening, but she's mentioned how during her college years, it took her out of school for a whole year and she was in bed for most of that time. But now she seems to be much better. It seems as though the problem is gone for the time being. One concern is what if it comes back?

And with her health, she is fragile, gets stressed out very easily, gets tired easily, and doesn't like to do too much things that require too much energy. Which leads to the second problem. A lack of passion on the sexual front. I don't know too much of the details but from what I understand, she does her job in bed, but doesn't exactly do it out of her own passion, but more out of the fact that she wants to please him. And that doesn't do it for him. He likes it when a girl is into it herself as well. In other words, sexually, it doesn't seems to be connecting. Not to mention that they can't do all the other things that he likes since he's an energetic guy.

Then he told me about other sensitive concerns such as if they get serious and he puts his heart into it, what if she gets sick or even passes away? Or what if they get even more serious, get married, and they have kids and she passes away and leaves them alone? Or if the disease is genetic, and passes it to the kids who also suffer?

I thought I'd get a consensus here and see what others thought. I don't know what I would do, that's for sure.

If he's looking for a wife to be the mother of his children, does it make sense to choose a girl/woman that is sickly, no matter how wonderful she is?

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by CMD

If he's looking for a wife to be the mother of his children, does it make sense to choose a girl/woman that is sickly, no matter how wonderful she is?

Yeah, that's the predicament he's in. I think he loves her, but this health issue is huge.

[bimmer4me]

If he's even thinking about, then don't do it. Part ways now as it is the most loving thing to do to protect potential children and even her, IMO. Now, trying to convince your friend of that is another story. Good luck!

[docbolo]

the biggest favor you can do for your friend is to encourage him to run as fast as possible from this one.

Is your friend running a charity organization?? Not even mentioning the sick/easily irratated part... NEVER trust a woman that doesn't like to screw. They all have bigtime issues, like they have been molested by an uncle or abused or are just outright rotten.

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by docbolo

the biggest favor you can do for your friend is to encourage him to run as fast as possible from this one.

Is your friend running a charity organization?? Not even mentioning the sick/easily irratated part... NEVER trust a woman that doesn't like to screw. They all have bigtime issues, like they have been molested by an uncle or abused or are just outright rotten.

Usually its the other way around. Abuse usually makes a woman even more sexual later in life. At least that's what psychologists say.

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by bimmer4me

If he's even thinking about, then don't do it. Part ways now as it is the most loving thing to do to protect potential children and even her, IMO. Now, trying to convince your friend of that is another story. Good luck!

I should tell him since he cares for her so much, just to be friends (for real, not just telling her that) and nothing more. Seems like that's what makes most sense anyways without the physicality.

[docbolo]

Originally Posted by bringsmewomen

Usually its the other way around. Abuse usually makes a woman even more sexual later in life. At least that's what psychologists say.

Tell your friend to listen to Tom Leykis. I trust him more than the "psychologists".

[bimmer4me]

From personal experience, I can tell you of one case where she was abused and liked sex as much as going to the dentist. In another case, she was raised in a healthy happy home and loved sex. Sex is good and healthy. Abuse is not.

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by bimmer4me

From personal experience, I can tell you of one case where she was abused and liked sex as much as going to the dentist. In another case, she was raised in a healthy happy home and loved sex. Sex is good and healthy. Abuse is not.

Of course not. I wasn't trying to suggest abuse is healthy. I'm just saying a lot of people who have left turbulent childhoods such as with abuse, tend to be more sexually active later than people who have had very uneventful and stable childhoods. Some cheat, and others repeat the cycle.... And yet others go the other way and become sexually recluse.

Anyways, this is turning into a different topic.

My point is that he's gonna feel like it's tough since he loves her to ditch her due to the fact that she's not healthy. He'd prob feel guilty, or think about her a lot if he left her.

[Minimaul]

Originally Posted by docbolo

the biggest favor you can do for your friend is to encourage him to run as fast as possible from this one.

Is your friend running a charity organization?? Not even mentioning the sick/easily irratated part... NEVER trust a woman that doesn't like to screw. They all have bigtime issues, like they have been molested by an uncle or abused or are just outright rotten.

That pretty much sums it up. Another thing too. She has more exicting sex for this guy even though she doesn't like it. That's going to stop real soon. Pretty soon, she'll stop trying to please him and start thinking of herself. Which is going to turn to detesting sex and it's going to be horrible for her, and he's going to feel like shit trying to get her to bone. Plus, when they do, it won't be good for either of them. 1) she'll be faking so-to-speak and he'll be like "damn, she's faking, i know she doesn't like it like this."


Yes ,what if she does pass down the disease, or something horrible happens during pregnacy or birth? Yeah. Sketchy situation.

Pretty soon the "oh we're so in love and we love to make eachother happy with love 'cause we're in love" feeling will wear off. True colors will shine through and things will get ugly. Drama will incurr!


Run Forrest run!

Just my 2 peso's.

[thedean786]

A true test of love if ever there was one....

[bimmer4me]

Originally Posted by thedean786

A true test of love if ever there was one....

My point is if he's debating it then is he REALLY in-love?? Run, baby, run!

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by Minimaul

That pretty much sums it up. Another thing too. She has more exicting sex for this guy even though she doesn't like it. That's going to stop real soon. Pretty soon, she'll stop trying to please him and start thinking of herself. Which is going to turn to detesting sex and it's going to be horrible for her, and he's going to feel like shit trying to get her to bone. Plus, when they do, it won't be good for either of them. 1) she'll be faking so-to-speak and he'll be like "damn, she's faking, i know she doesn't like it like this."


Yes ,what if she does pass down the disease, or something horrible happens during pregnacy or birth? Yeah. Sketchy situation.

Pretty soon the "oh we're so in love and we love to make eachother happy with love 'cause we're in love" feeling will wear off. True colors will shine through and things will get ugly. Drama will incurr!


Run Forrest run!

Just my 2 peso's.

You make a lot of good points. OR, sex could get better. But who knows. And true love per se is not supposed to wear off. At least that's what movies tell people. lol

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by bimmer4me

My point is if he's debating it then is he REALLY in-love?? Run, baby, run!

Let's be realistic... Any intelligent human being would debate. This is a whole future with a potential family we are talking about. Kids.

[bimmer4me]

Originally Posted by bringsmewomen

Let's be realistic... Any intelligent human being would debate. This is a whole future with a potential family we are talking about. Kids.

Very true.

[gdnyc]

As fucked up as the situation is, tell him to get out of it. Eventually it will come back and smack him in the face. I agree with the otheres. Tell him to run, run as fast as he can

[firstkill]

wuts the disease?
it sounds like symptoms are under control but its hard to say the future of her life without knowing wut exact dx is.


fk

[bringsmewomen]

Originally Posted by firstkill

wuts the disease?
it sounds like symptoms are under control but its hard to say the future of her life without knowing wut exact dx is.


fk

I think some sort of autoimmune disease. The immune system that's designed to attack outside germs attacks her own body instead.

[magmd]

Originally Posted by bringsmewomen

I think some sort of autoimmune disease. The immune system that's designed to attack outside germs attacks her own body instead.

Sounds like she has either Lupus or Dermatomyositis.

If he is questioning whether to stay or go...then his feelings for her are not that strong to begin with. So, better to get the hell out of that situation.

If he really loved her....he would not think about what is going to happen years down the line...just enjoy the time you have right now. You never know...she might get tired of him and dump him next year. Or...he might be in a freak accident and get killed himself....life is a great risk. You never know when you number is going to be called. Just because she has a medical condition that is being treated now, does not mean she is unworthy. Her disease is not terminal, so you do not know how things will go. Plus...you can find a great person that is healthy as can be, get married, have kids....and then blam! Find out someone has a cancer, dies in an accident, has a child with a random birth defect, whatever. There is always a risk that shit will happen. You can't make life decisions fearing the what if. If he loves her at all...he should stay. If he does not...then leave now, and stop wasting her time.

[ages944]

Originally Posted by magmd

If he is questioning whether to stay or go...then his feelings for her are not that strong to begin with. So, better to get the hell out of that situation.
If he really loved her....he would not think about what is going to happen years down the line...just enjoy the time you have right now.

100% agree.
Love's not about what's easiest.

[geeslice]

Originally Posted by magmd

Sounds like she has either Lupus or Dermatomyositis.

If he is questioning whether to stay or go...then his feelings for her are not that strong to begin with. So, better to get the hell out of that situation.

If he really loved her....he would not think about what is going to happen years down the line...just enjoy the time you have right now. You never know...she might get tired of him and dump him next year. Or...he might be in a freak accident and get killed himself....life is a great risk. You never know when you number is going to be called. Just because she has a medical condition that is being treated now, does not mean she is unworthy. Her disease is not terminal, so you do not know how things will go. Plus...you can find a great person that is healthy as can be, get married, have kids....and then blam! Find out someone has a cancer, dies in an accident, has a child with a random birth defect, whatever. There is always a risk that shit will happen. You can't make life decisions fearing the what if. If he loves her at all...he should stay. If he does not...then leave now, and stop wasting her time.

Finally someone has some sense!!!