[Scimitar335i]

-Thanks for listening guys!-

[MadDog]

Man, I can't imagine what you're going through, let alone the parents. Losing a child is every parents/grandparents worst nightmare.

Can you get some counseling from a police psychologist ??

[Scimitar335i]

Where i work if you are involved directly or indirectly in any kind of death they offer free counseling anonymously.. basically its a shrink in a confession booth. Totally confidential.. told her everything I was feeling and she said that it was normal. Basically they just want to evaluate you for any kind of.. "hesitation"...that meaning if it came down to your life or a bad guy's life.. would i take the bad guy's life?

Obviously my answer was yes. She gave me a clean bill of mental health. I have been talking to my priest too and he has been a great help. I really just need to get this out of my system. I guess all in all it was just a sad, sad situation and to see a child die.. hits you hard...

[MadDog]

I would suggest you talk to your girlfriend. Let her know what you're going through.

[Main33vnt]

Hey man Im sorry to hear that... I saw my friends little sister pass away and it was the worst thing... stay strong man and thank god that your family and friends are fine... <3

[MoreCowbell]

I'm fucking nauseated.

It's good to vent man. Since there isn't much I can say to make you feel better, i'll simply say this:

"Take solice on the fact that your profession helps people and is one of the most unselfish things one can do with a career. You are a good person and althought the result wasn't good, you contribution to the sitaution was amazing."

Thanks for all you do.

[335i4u2nv]

wow thats rough. and i can only imagine how hard that must me. seeing a child die really is some of the worse u can view in life. i hope everything works out for u bro. just be strong and talk to the GF about it. she can provide u with help outside of work, since i believe thats what u need

[Brunotheboxer]

this is just another reason why i feel that being a cop is one of the hardest jobs there is. Good luck with this.

[TiAg335i]

I know what you are going through man I'm an EMT and have been through a lot in only a very short time...cardiac arrests, seizures, cpr, death, etc.

You really should talk to your GF about it.

[Scimitar335i]

Thanks for all the kind words guys. Its good to know I can get with my problems and my bmw as well

[Scimitar335i]

Originally Posted by TiAg335i

I know what you are going through man I'm an EMT and have been through a lot in only a very short time...cardiac arrests, seizures, cpr, death, etc.

You really should talk to your GF about it.

IMO you guys got the roughest job... i'm the first responder.. you guys and fire are the ones that get into the thick of things.. much respect

[Tondtar]

Man o man .... that is so tough. Thanks for finding us worthy enough to share this very personal and unsettling story. Personally, I have a lot of respect for the law officials. Sure, there are the usual bitching and moaning we all do about getting a ticket for this and that by a cop but until a story like yours surfaces, most people (including myself) are not aware of the other stuff you guys have to deal with on a day to day in the line of duty. My hat's off to you and your colleague. Not many of us are capable of functioning like that. It takes a real and complete person to step up to the task.

Back to your dilemma. MadDog's suggestion is definitely worth looking into. I have also seen great results in a similar type of situation. A couple I knew lost a young child (their first and only child) to an accident at very young age. Their grief was overbearing as you may imagine. They were not ready to have another child for a while after what they had gone through. They also knew they could not deal with their loss by doing nothing. At the suggestion of their therapist, they began volunteering at their local orphanage. It was very tough at the beginning to deal with other kids for them. Every word exchanged would bring back memories of their own loss. However, after a while they got a way to channel their own love and care to these poor kids. This was the comfort they were looking for all along in order to deal with their own loss. Eventually after a few years, they adopted a couple of the kids and moved on with life. They never had a kid of their own.

I am not sure if this is a viable scenario for you or not but I believe there may be some comfort for you in witnessing firsthand how life could be beautiful and meaningful despite all the ugly stuff happening every single day. Try looking into working with your local Boys and Girls Club of America. Try mentorship program with an under privileged kid. But first of all, share the story with your GF and open up to her telling her about the story and your own grief. Let her offer you some comfort on her own terms. I believe you may have hesitation in doing so thinking it will ruin your "tough guy/ cop" image in her mind. It won't. It takes a tough guy to break in tears witnessing a dead child - believe me. I am sure both of you guys will be surprised on how this simple act of talking and being open to each other about your feelings can bring you much closer to each other.

The other suggestion I have is looking into this program. It will bring a ton of difference in your life as well as your loved ones and each and everyone whom you will come in contact with in your life. This program is FREE for policemen, soldiers and clergy if I am not mistaken. I can talk enough about it so forgive me :

http://www.landmarkeducation.com/landmark_forum.jsp

Good Luck and feel free to share more with us.

[Scimitar335i]

Originally Posted by Tondtar

Man o man .... that is so tough. Thanks for finding us worthy enough to share this very personal and unsettling story. Personally, I have a lot of respect for the law officials. Sure, there are the usual bitching and moaning we all do about getting a ticket for this and that by a cop but until a story like yours surfaces, most people (including myself) are not aware of the other stuff you guys have to deal with on a day to day in the line of duty. My hat's off to you and your colleague. Not many of us are capable of functioning like that. It takes a real and complete person to step up to the task.

Back to your dilemma. MadDog's suggestion is definitely worth looking into. I have also seen great results in a similar type of situation. A couple I knew lost a young child (their first and only child) to an accident at very young age. Their grief was overbearing as you may imagine. They were not ready to have another child for a while after what they had gone through. They also knew they could not deal with their loss by doing nothing. At the suggestion of their therapist, they began volunteering at their local orphanage. It was very tough at the beginning to deal with other kids for them. Every word exchanged would bring back memories of their own loss. However, after a while they got a way to channel their own love and care to these poor kids. This was the comfort they were looking for all along in order to deal with their own loss. Eventually after a few years, they adopted a couple of the kids and moved on with life. They never had a kid of their own.

I am not sure if this is a viable scenario for you or not but I believe there may be some comfort for you in witnessing firsthand how life could be beautiful and meaningful despite all the ugly stuff happening every single day. Try looking into working with your local Boys and Girls Club of America. Try mentorship program with an under privileged kid. But first of all, share the story with your GF and open up to her telling her about the story and your own grief. Let her offer you some comfort on her own terms. I believe you may have hesitation in doing so thinking it will ruin your "tough guy/ cop" image in her mind. It won't. It takes a tough guy to break in tears witnessing a dead child - believe me. I am sure both of you guys will be surprised on how this simple act of talking and being open to each other about your feelings can bring you much closer to each other.

The other suggestion I have is looking into this program. It will bring a ton of difference in your life as well as your loved ones and each and everyone whom you will come in contact with in your life. This program is FREE for policemen, soldiers and clergy if I am not mistaken. I can talk enough about it so forgive me :

http://www.landmarkeducation.com/landmark_forum.jsp

Good Luck and feel free to share more with us.

-You're right. I do have to talk to my girl about this. I just worry because even though we aren't married we are planning to do so in the next 1-2 years. Law Enforcement has one of the highest, if not the highest divorce rates. Thats due to COPS becoming jaded as "people" and not being able to distinguish work from home...

I dont want to end up like that and I dont want to be jaded either. I will have a talk with her at one point but this weekend is our 2 year anniversary and it would ruin the moment if I just busted it out like that... again, thanks for the support...

I am closing this thread.. I think I got all the advice Thanks!!

[Tondtar]

Originally Posted by Scimitar335i

-You're right. I do have to talk to my girl about this. I just worry because even though we aren't married we are planning to do so in the next 1-2 years. Law Enforcement has one of the highest, if not the highest divorce rates. Thats due to COPS becoming jaded as "people" and not being able to distinguish work from home...

I dont want to end up like that and I dont want to be jaded either. I will have a talk with her at one point but this weekend is our 2 year anniversary and it would ruin the moment if I just busted it out like that... again, thanks for the support...

Great ...I think, on the contrary, it would be great if you actually talk to her this weekend in such a momentous occasion.

Your worry about your line of work and its effect on your personal life is another reason to check into the program I have recommended. It puts it (as well as all other things in life) in the right perspective and allows you to take the right action(s) on your own terms.

[DM1]

As a father I believe there can't be anything worst than loosing your child,... I respect what you do and what you had to face is something that takes courage to deal with, I can't really add anything to what the other members have said as I agree completely but I still wanted to write something and say that talking it with your GF will be the best and that you should feel proud of yourself for what you tried to do,... thanks for sharing this experience, it really got me thinking.

[DougLikesBMW]

I missed the story?

[Couch]

Not sure what the deal is, but sounds really serious.

I hope it all works out.

[SlammedR8]

i missed the story as well, so i dont really know what happened and how you being a police officer had something if anything to do with it... but i guess ill never know!
good luck and stay strong!

[e46e92love]

OP removing story = FAIL.

[RBBMWE46M3]

Yea...WTF? no story...anyway, stay strong