BMW i5 and 5-Series Forum

Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      11-23-2017, 04:34 PM   #1
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Christmas presents for shitty people!

Everyone has "that" relative! I thought we could share tips on what to buy to them!

My mom is on top of my list this year (every year). She apparently is visiting nyc (I'm so sorry guys) in January so I'm getting her a Make America Great Again - hat, even if i have to knit it. That should make her trip to the new country more fun for her. She is stupid enough to wear one there.

For my aunt, who has taken over the family tradition of making the ugliest wool socks ever made, I'm knitting a wool shirt made from all the fucking eye hurting wool socks she has given me in my 35 years. Picture five of the worst colors you can imagine and put them in one pair, multiply it by 70(i get from her two pairs per year) and i think this will be the worst looking thing anyone spends a week to make.

My brother is getting a beautiful, very old and extremely sticky looking copy of Kama sutra. I found it from a book store, but i paid a porn shop to get a price tag with their logo and -70% off sticker to it.

So, anyway, does anyone else go through this much trouble at being a horrible gifter?

__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?

Last edited by Lups; 11-23-2017 at 04:52 PM..
Appreciate 3
      11-23-2017, 04:46 PM   #2
Joekerr
Banned
7922
Rep
1,923
Posts

Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

No.

For me, it comes naturally. I don't even have to try.
Appreciate 1
Lups11830.00
      11-23-2017, 04:51 PM   #3
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
No.

For me, it comes naturally. I don't even have to try.
Go sorting out your excuses for giving your wife a juicer!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      11-23-2017, 05:13 PM   #4
roastbeef
Lieutenant General
roastbeef's Avatar
United_States
11701
Rep
12,794
Posts

Drives: E92 M3
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Orange County, CA

iTrader: (4)

the dog had to have back surgery about four months ago. wife insisted we do it. happy birthday and merry christmas. enjoy the dog.
__________________
Instagram; @roastbeefmike
Appreciate 2
Lups11830.00
upstatedoc7532.50
      11-23-2017, 05:29 PM   #5
are0lies
Banned
United_States
4145
Rep
1,867
Posts

Drives: 2011 M3 E93
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Riverside

iTrader: (0)

For your information.
Attached Images
 
Appreciate 2
cliverman962.00
Lups11830.00
      11-23-2017, 05:31 PM   #6
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by are0lies View Post
For your information.
Good. I hate Christmas with passion.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      11-23-2017, 05:45 PM   #7
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lobb View Post
Indeed.

I usually buy my wife a new dildo at Christmas, and leave it sticking out the turkey's ass.
You wanna try selling yours and my marriage as a baggage deal to a marriage counselor? I bet we would get a huge discount because we sure would be long term customers.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      11-23-2017, 07:32 PM   #8
shoei
Banned
7777
Rep
2,601
Posts

Drives: MW Vespa w/pink racing stripes
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Peeing in your garden

iTrader: (3)

There's the old Grinch now, right on schedule to spread her Christmas cheer like it's Chlamydia...

Appreciate 2
Lups11830.00
      11-23-2017, 07:56 PM   #9
Maynard
Colonel
United_States
4190
Rep
2,950
Posts

Drives: 228iX & M2C
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Upstate NY

iTrader: (1)

Generic chocolate boxes - in the USA it would be Whitmans (nice brands for those you don't know well but don't dislike). Everybody will eat chocolate, and you don't even have to think about anything but how much to spend per person.
Appreciate 0
      11-23-2017, 09:12 PM   #10
are0lies
Banned
United_States
4145
Rep
1,867
Posts

Drives: 2011 M3 E93
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Riverside

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Good. I hate Christmas with passion.
And how is your day going? Remember, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and all that other bs. Actually your view on things is not always clear. Are you saying you don't like elves?
Appreciate 1
Lups11830.00
      11-24-2017, 03:53 AM   #11
Dang3r
Schmollbraten
Dang3r's Avatar
Germany
12482
Rep
1,985
Posts

Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp.
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Liandri Central Core

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Good. I hate Christmas with passion.
Me too! C'mon over and we stick hamsters on christmas trees tops instead of dumbass angels
__________________
Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right

Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
Appreciate 1
Lups11830.00
      11-24-2017, 04:06 AM   #12
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dang3r View Post
Me too! C'mon over and we stick hamsters on christmas trees tops instead of dumbass angels
Ha, i love the tree tho, i go through a lot of trouble to find a really ugly one, then i let the kids at it to make it even worse! We've had the most horrifying trees ever to be used as decoration!

As for presents, i don't buy stuff to people usually since everyone I know has everything already. Last year i finally convinced the kids to regift the crap they get to a shelter so now i only expect to get 3-6 m3 of crap in the house.

The only pure joy i get from the holidays is this bad present crap i pull every year. You should try this, it brings some joy to the holidays for seconds!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 2
Dang3r12481.50
cliverman962.00
      11-24-2017, 09:20 AM   #13
Dang3r
Schmollbraten
Dang3r's Avatar
Germany
12482
Rep
1,985
Posts

Drives: M4CPC // HP4 Comp.
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Liandri Central Core

iTrader: (0)

My idea of angering my mom was, that I'd given her a small parcel and she dont recognized my evil smile behind it. She was more complaining about and it was going like "ya know I dont want any presents and you shouldnt give me anything".
Yadayadayada, few minutes later as she got unwrapped the paper and opened the box she found it empty.
Onto her asking look I'd just said "You wont have a present, so here is nothing"
The rest is history
__________________
Citizen of ///M - Town, where too much is just right

Some say, that my scrotum has its own small gravity field and when Im slowing down that brake lights come on at my buttox
Appreciate 1
Lups11830.00
      11-24-2017, 11:03 AM   #14
Joekerr
Banned
7922
Rep
1,923
Posts

Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Go sorting out your excuses for giving your wife a juicer!
Funny thing, I've actually just ordered it. Found it online at Costco for $580 plus tax for a decent middle of the line blender.

I think she'll enjoy it greatly. Especially since that is going to be her combo birthday and Christmas present this year (her birthday is about 10 days away from Christmas, so really convenient to just get her one present and be done).

She hates when I do that though, so I'll have to make some efforts I suppose for whatever date she doesn't get the blender on.

If you don't see any posts from me, post Christmas, then I've probably been blended.
Appreciate 1
Lups11830.00
      11-24-2017, 12:01 PM   #15
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Funny thing, I've actually just ordered it. Found it online at Costco for $580 plus tax for a decent middle of the line blender.

I think she'll enjoy it greatly. Especially since that is going to be her combo birthday and Christmas present this year (her birthday is about 10 days away from Christmas, so really convenient to just get her one present and be done).

She hates when I do that though, so I'll have to make some efforts I suppose for whatever date she doesn't get the blender on.

If you don't see any posts from me, post Christmas, then I've probably been blended.
Can you in the case of your vision happens make sure i get your windows info? I need the brand and her review on the product. You know, for a friend!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      11-24-2017, 12:19 PM   #16
///M Power-Belgium
General
///M Power-Belgium's Avatar
Belgium
70385
Rep
26,602
Posts

Drives: ///M3-E92-DCT Silverstone II
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Belgium

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lobb View Post
Indeed.

I usually buy my wife a new dildo at Christmas, and leave it sticking out the turkey's ass.
.
Attached Images
 
__________________
"MAX VERSTAPPEN" IS THE 2021+2022+2023 F1 WORLD CHAMPION - #UnLeashTheLion

BPM DEV-Tune & DCT Software-Tune & Servotronic & coding ///Alpine HID Angeleyes ///Oem.exhaust mod.
Appreciate 2
LobB4895.50
mookie45772.50
      11-24-2017, 12:32 PM   #17
Joekerr
Banned
7922
Rep
1,923
Posts

Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Can you in the case of your vision happens make sure i get your windows info? I need the brand and her review on the product. You know, for a friend!


Will do. I'll specifically ask her to provide her opinion on how well it blends human sized femurs, since I'd imagine that's of a pressing interest...for your friend.
Appreciate 0
      11-24-2017, 12:36 PM   #18
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post


Will do. I'll specifically ask her to provide her opinion on how well it blends human sized femurs, since I'd imagine that's of a pressing interest...for your friend.
Yeah, my friend wants to know, and she'd prefer if she could get the info before she has to invite or not to invite her family for Christmas. They love smoothies.

(a pacifist and a religious freak talking about Christmas, and this is what we blend to!)
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 0
      11-24-2017, 12:48 PM   #19
Joekerr
Banned
7922
Rep
1,923
Posts

Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Yeah, my friend wants to know, and she'd prefer if she could get the info before she has to invite or not to invite her family for Christmas. They love smoothies.

(a pacifist and a religious freak talking about Christmas, and this is what we blend to!)
Well, Christmas is about the birth of Christ, so me talking about it fits nicely with my religious freak image. Further, Christianity places a pretty high importance on death, especially one man's death in particular when you think about it...so again, I'm sticking with my image quite well here.

But you on the other hand, a self avowed pacifist, devolving into discussions pertaining to serving human smoothies...well, as to what you are doing in this thread...





BTW, you may be interested in the "Will it blend" videos on Youtube. They'll be old by now, but a helpful source of information I'm sure.
Appreciate 0
      11-24-2017, 12:55 PM   #20
Lups
...
Lups's Avatar
11830
Rep
15,400
Posts

Drives: I don't own a car.
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lost as usual

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Well, Christmas is about the birth of Christ, so me talking about it fits nicely with my religious freak image. Further, Christianity places a pretty high importance on death, especially one man's death in particular when you think about it...so again, I'm sticking with my image quite well here.

But you on the other hand, a self avowed pacifist, devolving into discussions pertaining to serving human smoothies...well, as to what you are doing in this thread...





BTW, you may be interested in the "Will it blend" videos on Youtube. They'll be old by now, but a helpful source of information I'm sure.
Hahahaa!

I meant no offense, i actually am sorry i put it like that. That was poor in humor and in taste.

I've told you how i do my mental murders right? I don't do blenders in them. I use math to get over my anger.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta0311 View Post
How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
Appreciate 1
Dang3r12481.50
      11-24-2017, 01:17 PM   #21
Joekerr
Banned
7922
Rep
1,923
Posts

Drives: 2017 Audi S6
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, ON

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lups View Post
Hahahaa!

I meant no offense, i actually am sorry i put it like that. That was poor in humor and in taste.

I've told you how i do my mental murders right? I don't do blenders in them. I use math to get over my anger.
All good - it would take a lot more than being called a freak to offend me! I was actually somewhat pleased. After all, it is nice to be different, and Christians are supposed to stand out from the rest of the world as an example.

Appreciate 0
      11-24-2017, 01:26 PM   #22
///M Power-Belgium
General
///M Power-Belgium's Avatar
Belgium
70385
Rep
26,602
Posts

Drives: ///M3-E92-DCT Silverstone II
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Belgium

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
All good - it would take a lot more than being called a freak to offend me! I was actually somewhat pleased. After all, it is nice to be different, and Christians are supposed to stand out from the rest of the world as an example.

I would not take too much examples from the Christians and the Christian church ...
Our priest said often...*This is the house of God* ! 2 weeks later he banged his maid from behind and behind in the church

I heard our priest is now a chicken farmer ..
__________________
"MAX VERSTAPPEN" IS THE 2021+2022+2023 F1 WORLD CHAMPION - #UnLeashTheLion

BPM DEV-Tune & DCT Software-Tune & Servotronic & coding ///Alpine HID Angeleyes ///Oem.exhaust mod.
Appreciate 0
Post Reply

Bookmarks


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:25 AM.




g60
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST