[Alfisti]

Love my 4 year old and 6 month old boys to death but gee we are struggling. It's just the mrs and i, no family other than her dad who is not great at helping out.

Feels like we just cannot get anything done other than service the kids, ok we cook and clean etc but finding time to even mow the lawn is very difficult and the idea of larger tasks like organising the basement or decorating the house are just pipe dreams.

At the end of a weekend we are utterly exhausted, can barely drag ourselves to bed.

Is it just us?

[1MOREMOD]

Don't have kids and still busy.

[jgoens]

You have to take turns--give the 4-year old an ipad and attend to the baby while the other one mows the yard, etc. Forget about larger projects until both can entertain themselves with ipads. Soon enough, get the bigger one in pre-school and then you will have only one who will take naps and allow more free time.

[$iriu$black]

Just hang in there I guess. You have two, I have one 19mo old. Feels like we have three kids sometimes! But being his parents we kind of know his subtle cues like when he is cranky mid morning it's either he needs his snack or needs a nap. That makes our days w him predictable. When he is napping then that's the time things get done. Take it from someone who does not have ANY family to help us out from day one (everyone is overseas).

[SakhirM4]

Both of my kids were born when I was stationed in Germany - no family at all. We were able to do many things (including lots of travel in Germany) with and despite them and this was long before an iPad ever existed (mid-70s). I admit that there were times that we took them to the base nursery so we could do something without them, like attend a special dinner. We lived, enjoyed Germany and so did they. Kids should not feel like a burden.

[bmnorm]

I hear you. I have a 4yr old and 5month old. I knew before the baby was born I wouldn't have much time. Especially if you want to enjoy the short lived baby time. They grow up fast.
I got myself some help. Get someone to cut your grass and someone to clean your house.

As you already know they become independent pretty fast.

Try to enjoy as much as possible.

[TXSTYLE]

It's all part of life with children. Many people struggle to even have but desperately want children. Be grateful my friend. They are a Blessing and Enrichment to life.

[angelr]

Just wait until they're old enough to actually help. It'll happen, I have a 16 and 19 year old son and they have been very helpful for years now. They're packing our house in Orlando right now so they can all move out here with me in socal...couldn't have done it without them.

But they were pains in the ass when little. Long ROI for sure

[4M]

You are not alone. I can weigh in here, in addition to the other advice to say that it really does get better. I've got six - from 9 mos. to 20 - so I have some experience to draw from. It IS hard work, but there is nothing more rewarding. It is also a very small window (in the grander scheme of things) when they will be under your roof and direct influence - take advantage of it. There will be plenty of periods where your kids will tell you they don't need you at all - and this is usually when they need you most. The relationships you build with them now sets the table for when they're in their teens, 20s and beyond.

To be a bit more practical, I'd offer two suggestions: 1) look at your kids friends/classmates as a force multiplier. Offering to have a few buddies over/take them to a movie almost always leads to reciprocity where your kids get invited elsewhere. As long as you trust the other people involved, it can provide you with some respites to do things for yourself. It also gives you kids some early confidence to go out there without you. 2) as parents - don't forget to give each other a break from time to time to go off and indulge a hobby/lunch with friends, etc. It makes you better people, parents and partners and your kids also see a healthy balance where not everything is about servicing their immediate needs.

Good luck!!

[csu87]

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Lucky-Dog-...&wl13=&veh=sem



Youre welcome. just scratch off the "Pet" and write in fort or playhouse or something more acceptable.

[stimpy]

My wife and I are in the same boat. We have a 9 month old but have no friends or family near us. Both of our families are in another state and all our friends are on the other side of the city (hour away).

We have absolutely zero help and we are doing everything ourselves. It's tough as our lives consist of work, take care of the boy, dinner, bed.

I know it gets better but doesn't make the last 9 months and the next however many months any easier.

[kprocivic]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Don't have kids and still busy.

you better start popping them out.

op keep up the good work. It's damn near impossible to raise kids without help.

[1MOREMOD]

Screw that

[Dang3r]

My kids are outta my house and bothering me no more...now get off my lawn

[davis449]

Love these threads. I read them all, in their entirety, and it never fails to reassure me I've made the right decision.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

Love my 4 year old and 6 month old boys to death but gee we are struggling. It's just the mrs and i, no family other than her dad who is not great at helping out.

Feels like we just cannot get anything done other than service the kids, ok we cook and clean etc but finding time to even mow the lawn is very difficult and the idea of larger tasks like organising the basement or decorating the house are just pipe dreams.

At the end of a weekend we are utterly exhausted, can barely drag ourselves to bed.

Is it just us?

It's not just you. Kids are 1 and 3 and I have to take PTO days to get work done around the house. Mowing the lawn is not an issue though. It only takes me about a half hour from soup to nuts with my 50" overkill-on-wheels. Guy across the street has a push mower and his kids are the same age as ours... his lawn looks like the amazon.

Having kids is a huge amount of work but it's the best work in the world.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by stimpy

My wife and I are in the same boat. We have a 9 month old but have no friends or family near us. Both of our families are in another state and all our friends are on the other side of the city (hour away).

We have absolutely zero help and we are doing everything ourselves. It's tough as our lives consist of work, take care of the boy, dinner, bed.

I know it gets better but doesn't make the last 9 months and the next however many months any easier.

LOL. The first year is a fucking nightmare but once he's walking and more mobile, it's so much easier. First year is for the moms, we take over from there. My 3yo daughter is my weekend companion while my son (15mo) is clung to my wife. We go everywhere together and it's a blast. It's really frustrating until they can communicate effectively. Until then it is tough.

Remember, right now it's 2-on-1. Wait until it's man-to-man. Even more crazy is zone defense but usually you have an older sibling (read: assistant) who can toss you a diaper when you're in the shit.

[OutlawX3M]

As it's been stated, it is a lot of work. We had a boy and girl 14 months apart so it was like having twins. What worked for us was keeping a schedule with both of us working it. Finding "time off" was a matter of timing naps and a strict bedtime routine. Covering for each other too where tasks were kept small (under an hour) helps. Once they get into school life finds a new normal.

Again, it's work but it pays off in the end. My kids are 13 and 12 now and they are the sunshine in my world.

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by 1MOREMOD

Don't have kids and still busy.

Doing what?

[Flying Ace]

I get ya man. I only have a 11 month old, and my house is a mess.

Really, the only solution is to start paying for food and other services. My sister-in-law comes by 3 days a week to help me clean and prepare dinner during the weekdays. It's very helpful just with someone to look after the kid or to prep dinner. About once to twice a month, she also picks up the kid from daycare in case I cannot make it out of work in time.

Really, sounds like you need a part time nanny, food delivery service, or a house cleaner. Who said having kids would be cheap?

[pikkagtr]

Originally Posted by upstatedoc

Doing what?

Weekend excursions with the better half, spending all my disposal income on random junk, sleeping till whenever I feel like on the weekends, all you can drink beers and liquor , loud ass music , you know the general pleasures of life

[atxgt3]

When I was married we had two boys 18 months apart. I never thought it was that much work, and we still had time to do whatever. One person watched the kids, the other person did chores. Or just let the kids play while both do chores. We also had zero help, no family (we're both immigrants.) We got a divorce before the youngest turned 2, and I had two young kids by myself half the time, a house to manage by myself, a company to run, etc. I still didn't think it was that stressful.

Between my current girlfriend and I, we have three young boys, and I still don't think it's anything to get stressed about. Sure, we need to get sitters if we want to go somewhere by ourselves (which we do every weekend, date nights are always a priority), but getting stuff done around the house isn't a problem at all.

Personally, I absolutely love having kids, and I'm so happy I have them. They make me happier than anything. I love taking them on road trips, to theme parks, or even just for a walk. They're always so excited. You can't put a price on that.

What exactly is so hard about taking care of your kids? Why are you so tired at the end of the week? I know a lot of people struggle with it (as evidenced in this thread), but my experience just hasn't been the same.