[xxballinboi786]

there are some very intelligent people on this board, and i would hope that someone will be able to help me...i just finished revising a term paper that is due tomorrow, but im not much of an essay writer, hence i am not too confident in my conclusion. The topic of my essay is the disfranchisement of blacks after the civil war and the question i chose is:

What legal and extralegal measures did Southern states take to ensure the disfranchisement and segregation of blacks?

please take 2-3 minutes and read through this and tell me of any corrections you think need to be made. Thanks A LOT!!!

Having lost the Civil War, and suffering many years of shame and humiliation at the hands of radical politicians, white Southerners turned to old tactics, and used any opportunity they could to elevate themselves, and lower negroes. Manipulating the law, fraudulently electing officials, and using extralegal means were only some of the things Southerners did to disfranchise blacks, taking from them the rights they had earned at the time of emancipation. Understanding the situation, and studying it is important, so that we as a people and a nation do not make the same mistakes once again. Today’s politicians could learn the ideals the ideals that this nation was built upon through studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War, for what happened then, is happening now. “All men are created equal,” yet homosexuals are not given the right to marry freely, for heterosexual politicians believe their choice of orientation is supreme to that of others. We are all created equal, but now just as then, we as a people must realize it.

[jdink]

Having lost the Civil War, and suffering many years of shame and humiliation at the hands of radical politicians, white Southerners turned to old tactics, and used any opportunity they could to elevate themselves, and lower negroes.

-run on sentence. try to make this clear and concise. this sentence should sum up your paper...

Manipulating the law, fraudulently electing officials, and using extralegal means were only some of the things Southerners did to disfranchise blacks,
taking from them the rights they had earned at the time of emancipation.

- remove "some of the things"... you dont want to write a paper and sum it up by saying "there are other arguements but i'm not talking about them"

Understanding the situation, and studying it is important, so that we as a people and a nation do not make the same mistakes once again.

- say what "it" is. "so that we" again, clear and concise... fewer words are better than more in the conclusion.

Today’s politicians could learn the ideals the ideals that this nation was built upon through studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War, for what happened then, is happening now.

- i think you wrote "the ideals" twice...

“All men are created equal,” yet homosexuals are not given the right to marry freely, for heterosexual politicians believe their choice of orientation is supreme to that of others. We are all created equal, but now just as then, we as a people must realize it.

-good quote, stay on topic... dont stray.

[jdink]

Having lost the Civil War, and suffering many years of shame and humiliation at the hands of radical politicians, white Southerners turned to old tactics, and used any opportunity they could to elevate themselves, and lower negroes.


"white southerners" as my economics teacher always told me, try to avoid gross over generalizations. sounds like you are saying ALL white southerners

[xxballinboi786]

Originally Posted by jdink

Having lost the Civil War, and suffering many years of shame and humiliation at the hands of radical politicians, white Southerners turned to old tactics, and used any opportunity they could to elevate themselves, and lower negroes.

-run on sentence. try to make this clear and concise. this sentence should sum up your paper...

Manipulating the law, fraudulently electing officials, and using extralegal means were only some of the things Southerners did to disfranchise blacks,
taking from them the rights they had earned at the time of emancipation.

- remove "some of the things"... you dont want to write a paper and sum it up by saying "there are other arguements but i'm not talking about them"

Understanding the situation, and studying it is important, so that we as a people and a nation do not make the same mistakes once again.

- say what "it" is. "so that we" again, clear and concise... fewer words are better than more in the conclusion.

Today’s politicians could learn the ideals the ideals that this nation was built upon through studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War, for what happened then, is happening now.

- i think you wrote "the ideals" twice...

“All men are created equal,” yet homosexuals are not given the right to marry freely, for heterosexual politicians believe their choice of orientation is supreme to that of others. We are all created equal, but now just as then, we as a people must realize it.

-good quote, stay on topic... dont stray.

thanks a lot man...some very good tips...i wrote the last sentence that way intentionally because i want anyone who reads it to be left with a thought provoking idea.

[jdink]

Q: What legal and extralegal measures did Southern states take to ensure the disfranchisement and segregation of blacks?


Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate themselves, while at the same time taking away the rights that african americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this situation our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

[xxballinboi786]

Originally Posted by jdink

Q: What legal and extralegal measures did Southern states take to ensure the disfranchisement and segregation of blacks?


Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate themselves, while at the same time taking away the rights that african americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this situation our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

I dont know how to thank you. I'm and/or right now.

[jdink]

Originally Posted by jdink

Q: What legal and extralegal measures did Southern states take to ensure the disfranchisement and segregation of blacks?


Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate themselves, while at the same time taking away the rights that african americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this situation our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

lol edit my edit...

Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate their own privileges
and status, while at the same time taking away the rights that African Americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this period in time our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make these same mistakes again. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal.

[jdink]

Originally Posted by jdink

lol edit my edit...

Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate their own privileges
and status, while at the same time taking away the rights that African Americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this period in time our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make these same mistakes again. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal.

bleh.. one more time

Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means in order to elevate their own privileges and status. By doing so, this effectively took away the rights that African Americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this period in time our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make these same mistakes again. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal.

done and done...

[jdink]

f....

change "by doing so" to "In doing so"

[jdink]

Originally Posted by xxballinboi786

I dont know how to thank you. I'm and/or right now.

haha np man. hopefully i helped! my advice for you would be

- avoid run in sentences
- avoid "fluff" i.e. stuff that really doesnt need to be in there and doesnt help your arguement. while it adds to the length, most teachers (at least mine) would rather have something shorter with no fluff.
- read your stuff outloud... if it doesnt sound right coming off your tounge then you might want to change it...

goodluck!

[xxballinboi786]

lol...thanks a lot dude...im gonna use a mix of all of them

Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fraudulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate their status and privileges, while at the same time taking away the rights that African Americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this time period in our country’s history, we can ensure that as a nation, we will not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

[jdink]

pm me if you need anything else... (probably wont be checking this thread anymore tonight)

[jdink]

Originally Posted by xxballinboi786

lol...thanks a lot dude...im gonna use a mix of all of them

Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fraudulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate their status and privileges, while at the same time taking away the rights that African Americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this time period in our country’s history, we can ensure that as a nation, we will not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

awesome! i would just make that change in the first sentence to make it "using extralegal means in order to... privileges" i think you are kind of leaving yourself hangining when u are saying using extralegal means and ending it there... extralegal means to what? if you end the sentence you dont answer that and the sentence becomes a fragment (i think)

[xxballinboi786]

lol...thanks again, phew thank goodness i checked the thread a last time before i hit the bed

[shiggy]

Originally Posted by jdink

Q: What legal and extralegal measures did Southern states take to ensure the disfranchisement and segregation of blacks?


Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fradulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate themselves, while at the same time taking away the rights that african americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this situation our country can ensure that as a nation we do not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

BAM!!!!!
nicely done!

[asdflkijd]

looks like this is already taken care of

[Taittinger]

Originally Posted by xxballinboi786

lol...thanks a lot dude...im gonna use a mix of all of them

Having lost the Civil War, many white Southerners turned to old tactics such as manipulating the law, fraudulently electing officials and using extralegal means. This was done in order to elevate their status and privileges, while at the same time taking away the rights that African Americans had earned at the time of emancipation. By understanding this time period in our country’s history, we can ensure that as a nation, we will not make the same mistakes again. Today’s politicians can learn from the ideals that this nation was built upon by studying the segregation of African Americans after the Civil War. In doing so, this nation can honestly and proudly say that "All men are created equal."

Couple things - their rights came from subsequent amendments, not the Emancipation Proclamation. Not sure if that is clear.

Also, "the ideals that this nation was built upon by" ought to read as "ideals... were built upon..." since ideals is plural and the subject.

Another: "By understanding this time period in our country’s history, we can ensure that as a nation, we..." is lacking a comma between that and as.

[Taittinger]

Originally Posted by Railgun

Nicely done. Now he can get credit for YOUR work. This country is getting dummer you know. And now you know why.

dumber?

[Last E92 M3]

Originally Posted by Railgun

Touché!

I had somethign else in my head at the time, hence the error in spelling.

Oops.

yeah sure why not, capitalizing and putting punctuation make you look smarter right?

[Couch]

Error were picked up from what I read by other posters.

I defnitely agree with removing the very last part where you run on about homosexuals. The question/paper is not about that topic. Leave it out and stay on topic.

[xxballinboi786]

Originally Posted by Railgun

Nicely done. Now he can get credit for YOUR work. This country is getting dummer you know. And now you know why.

yeah, cause people like YOU are in it...did you think before you wrote this post? I did all the research, and I wrote the entire paper...I asked for someone to REVISE it and make CORRECTIONS, not write it for me...if you didnt read the paragraph he wrote, it reworded what I wrote and made it sound better, which is what I was asking for. So please, educate yourself and try to think twice before TRYING to make witty posts that make you seem like a fool.

[xxballinboi786]

Originally Posted by Couch

Error were picked up from what I read by other posters.

I defnitely agree with removing the very last part where you run on about homosexuals. The question/paper is not about that topic. Leave it out and stay on topic.

yeah, that was my bad...i felt like i should make a connection to the present day...