[eamon]

Originally Posted by carve

There's something to be said for that. We wouldn't last long if everyone thought like me. There's currently no shortage of humans though...I just wish more of them contributed to, rather than took from, society.

Darwinism.

[Litos]

when i was a Marine for 4 years, the last thing on my mind was having kids.

i knew i eventually "wanted" to have kids, but i knew it wasn't a financially viable option.

then i became a cop for 3 years and STILL didn't think of having kids.

When my buddy got me into the oil/gas business, i IMMEDIATELY knew it was time to start having kids.

if you're weighing options of having kids because you can't afford to buy a cheap $900 tune, you shouldn't be 1) thinking of having kids and /or 2) modding a car to begin with

6 years after my first day of work, i'm financially comfortable and my family is down right spoiled.

[The1]

this thread has brought me lots of amusement.

I am undecided on the need for children or not, but at this point in time, there is the dream of children, but there is also the dream of the entire world to be seen. (and i'm working on that)

But once i'm done conquering the world, what do I do then? Conquer fatherhood maybe? I can see the selfishness of both sides, so for someone to say one side is more selfish then the other, is a bit of a cop out.

Let me ask you this, "in your relationship with your wife, does if feel like something is missing? does it feel like there's a hole that needs to be filled *i don't mean that in sexual ways*)"

I think financial stability is a huge consideration when looking into starting a family, but it also depends how you want to look after them. Do you want them to have the best of everything? or learn the value of a dollar?

All I know is, you and your wife have a lot to talk about, and it needs to be bumped up your priority list, you should set a date to make a decision "together" and meet that date with a yes or no. otherwise you'll just be dragging this question on endlessly to the point of no return. Then any chance you may have had will be gone.

Adoption/fostering is a real option, but can be a difficult one, i've heard many horror stories, but i've heard many sucesses. One of my best friends is adopted and one of the best people i know, is very sucessfull, and has one of the best relationships i've seen with parents (and his parents aren't even his biological ones)

Just remember to keep a very open mind, but also open your eyes to the possibilities and use your imagination. Just remember one thing though, your wife may be saying she's not interested because she knows you're not. And similarly, you may be feeling there's a chance for you wanting them purely based on the fact that your wife is intrigued by the idea.

I have one more suggestion, and it may seem unorthodox, but i think still potentially very usefull. Don't take this in a bad way, but maybe consider going to see a therapist with your wife, sometimes they have the right questions to help aim you guys in the direction you really want to go, but couldn't think to do on your own. New doors can open, you may just be holding a resentment from something relating to your family and that may be all that's holding you back from wanting children, but you may never know unless you try.

Anyways, just my 2 cents coming from one individual who has no idea what he wants to another

[Cdnrockies]

Originally Posted by ideliver

Yeah. Any parent that "disowns" their kid has serious problems. Period.

I truly feel badly for them.

My wife and I both lost our fathers too soon, the sadness that we feel because our boys don't have grandfathers is crushing.

These are feelings that you'll never comprehend. Having kids makes me a better human being.

Originally Posted by samchoi604

Would you write a list of disadvantages vs. advantages of being alive? Why do people live? What are the benefits?

Obviously you can't put logical reasoning as to why humans or the universe should exist. Personally I find having kids one of the main goals and achievements in life.

This is how I see it too. Thinking big picture, what is the point of living? To have some relationships, accumulate some material goods, work hard, play harder?

I guess I look at it as having kids allows for a truly great contribution to the world....moreso than anything that you'll ever accomplish without them. Raising a child or children successfully allows for them to contribute to society in a positive way. This is a legacy that I want to leave.

We're also around the OP's age and now trying to start a family. We have the dog that we love as our fur baby for all the reasons he listed, but want to take the next step. The scary part is that we are at that age where many other factors come into play. I'm not sure how we'll handle the alteratives if we're not able to have a child.

To the poster that wants to criticize those that opt for in vitro. Walk a mile before being so self righteous to call those people selfish.

[The1]

I'd like to bring one more thought for the OP.

Where you see your wife and yourself in the years to come, is it in the same house? same city? How much traveling are you doing?

The reason I ask is that a lot of the people who choose to have children have either finished all the travelling they plan on doing at this point in time until retirement age (maybe even then) They also have a pretty good idea of where they want the rest of their lives to be.

Are you guys more busy thinking about family or your next trip? How long do you like your trips to be? I know your wife has the summer pretty much off which opens up a lot of travel opportunities.

If you guys can't sit still and don't see yourselves sitting still, then a child is likely not for you.

If, on the other hand, all you guys do is work, then come home and have nothing to do, then maybe there's a child in your future. Afterall, you won't always be able to run marathons and stuff.

A lot of people who like to travel the world opt to not have children, and i completely understand the reasoning, it's part of what make me confused about children for my future, But at the same time, I have a friend who went with her husband and 6 month old to Europe for month with a 7month old baby, so It didn't stop them.

But all these are considerations.

[matt]

Benefit? You don't have to kidnap them...

[donovan]

Originally Posted by matt

Benefit? You don't have to kidnap them...

EGGS zacktly

[carve]

Originally Posted by The1

I'd like to bring one more thought for the OP.

Where you see your wife and yourself in the years to come, is it in the same house? same city? How much traveling are you doing?

All big question marks. We like to be flexible. Currently where we live now has the best opportunities, but we're always ready to move and throwing the idea around. I'd love to live in Bend or Hood River, Oregon or maybe Tahoe or San Diego. Hard to move these days if I already have a good job though.

The reason I ask is that a lot of the people who choose to have children have either finished all the travelling they plan on doing at this point in time until retirement age (maybe even then) They also have a pretty good idea of where they want the rest of their lives to be.

When we travel, we travel big. A few years ago we took a year off and traveled around the world. Obviously, that's not something we can afford to do very often- maybe only a couple more times in our lives. You get burn-out, too...2-3 months would be better...but those are hard to manage while holding a job. We probably do overnight to one-week trips maybe one out of 3 weekends.

Are you guys more busy thinking about family or your next trip? How long do you like your trips to be? I know your wife has the summer pretty much off which opens up a lot of travel opportunities.

If you guys can't sit still and don't see yourselves sitting still, then a child is likely not for you.

Well...Thanksgiving. Our next trip is to see family, but we're doing some side trips to see old friends...maybe do some skiing, etc.

If, on the other hand, all you guys do is work, then come home and have nothing to do, then maybe there's a child in your future. Afterall, you won't always be able to run marathons and stuff.

LOL- my wife ran one with her 60 year old dad about a month ago (actually, we only did that half)

[Bird_Dr]

It's like going to college or joining the military; you are glad you did it, but you wouldn't want to do it again when it's over. As guys we like making things and seeing how they work. Put that attitude into your kids and you will enjoy it. Being in your mid 30's is a good time to start. You should have all that youthful partying out of your system, and by the time the kids are gone, you will still be young enough to get out and see the world without them.

[Litos]

Originally Posted by Bird_Dr

It's like going to college or joining the military; you are glad you did it, but you wouldn't want to do it again when it's over.

i see your point, but that is the STUPIDEST analogy i've ever heard.

surely you could have come up with something better than "college" and "military".

i was in the Marines for 4 years - i'd do it all over again in a heart beat

i didn't do college, but i could imagine 95% of people have decent jobs because of it, so they'd do it again.

again, i see your point, but there are other entities you could have used......

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Litos

i see your point, but that is the STUPIDEST analogy i've ever heard.

surely you could have come up with something better than "college" and "military".

i was in the Marines for 4 years - i'd do it all over again in a heart beat

i didn't do college, but i could imagine 95% of people have decent jobs because of it, so they'd do it again.

again, i see your point, but there are other entities you could have used......

So why aren't you still in the Corp???? You may now see his point.... Once in a life time.

[Litos]

Originally Posted by MP0WER

So why aren't you still in the Corp???? You may now see his point.... Once in a life time.

i'm not in the Corps anymore because 1) they don't pay for shit and 2) i wanted to be a cop (which i later found out doesn't pay for shit either) and 3) i wanted the prestige that comes with being a part of the world's best fighting force

i wasn't gonna be a lifer, but that doesn't mean i wouldn't do it all over again......

[cmk227]

Originally Posted by ideliver

Once you have kids...you could never imagine a life without them...

Unconditional love

Best quote so far. I can't imagine my life without my son. I do agree that sometimes I just want to go home and relax and I can't but that little man looks up to you. He is a part of you and hopefully will be better man than his old man at things.

I actually want another but the wife is done and we are having issue over it.

[cmk227]

Originally Posted by cmk227

Best quote so far. I can't imagine my life without my son. I do agree that sometimes I just want to go home and relax and I can't but that little man looks up to you. He is a part of you and hopefully will be better man than his old man at things.

I actually want another but the wife is done and we are having issue over it.

Forgot to mention we waited 10 yrs and she by 35 within a yr and 3 months

[achien]

when you are ready to have kids, you will not do this kind of cost benefit analysis.

unfortunately, by the time some couples are ready to have kids, it turns out to be too late for them to conceive naturally and had to turn to IVF...

[Litos]

Originally Posted by cmk227

I actually want another but the wife is done and we are having issue over it.

ever tried roofies !?!?

[Bird_Dr]

Originally Posted by Litos

i see your point, but that is the STUPIDEST analogy i've ever heard.

surely you could have come up with something better than "college" and "military".

i was in the Marines for 4 years - i'd do it all over again in a heart beat

i didn't do college, but i could imagine 95% of people have decent jobs because of it, so they'd do it again.

again, i see your point, but there are other entities you could have used......

You missed the point. I am not saying they are REGRETTABLE experiences, I am saying they are experiences that will make you stronger, but not necessarily something you would want to go through again.

[dtwyim]

Originally Posted by ideliver

Once you have kids...you could never imagine a life without them...

Unconditional love

+1

Originally Posted by number335

One benefit I can think of (and this may be a cultural thing) is that when you get old, your kids will be there to take care of you.

Other than that, knowing how I was a kid, there is no benefit.

Never assume your kid will take care of you when you get older. They have job/spouse/their own kid commitment.

When I was in school, I thought I will never have kids. When my wife and I used to hear kids cry, we say "Reason # 1 NOT to have kids"

Now I have 3 kids. Don't get me wrong, it is a LOT of work. You have to be selfless to ba a good parent. During the rare times when my wife and kids are out of town, I came home from work and literally do not know what to do with all my spare time alone, and misses them.

Good luck with your eventual decision. You and your wife makes the ultimate decision and just have to be satisfied yourselves. No need to justify your decision to anyone.

[cmk227]

Originally Posted by Litos

ever tried roofies !?!?

Man I need a good laugh. Thanks