[Boxed]

Originally Posted by Simsims

son

success is relative.

Compared to some, you're at the bottom of the pit.
Compared to others, you're wealthy.

Know what you have, accept it, live happy, but always look for more. That's the positive attitude.

[tshoww]

Originally Posted by Litos

i don't think you're successful - i think you're living like the majority of the nation by living paycheck to paycheck....

you're way in over your head and your job is barely keeping you afloat.....

your wife probably sits at home and does nothing productive.....get her ass to work at a normal full time job.....

hell, even making a measly $10-12/hr would help ya'll tremendously.....

p.s.
you could be a lot worse - you could be unemployed with crying and hungry kids....

there - that's my unbiased observation based on what you have personally described in this thread.....

Yeah we could be a lot worse like living at a homeless shelter or something of that sort. Money wise we are ok as we don't buy unnecessary stuff, besides the BMW. We have a pretty good life.

Originally Posted by Litos

true - whoever said money can't buy happiness either has always been poor, or has never fully recovered from his methanphetamine induced coma......




"...In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women..."

sincerely,
Tony Montana

Money is the root of all evil....

Originally Posted by kevinbahnz

go out and buy something expensive it will make you feel better.

Ok will do!

Originally Posted by Litos

a used iPad !??!

iPads suck

Originally Posted by kevinbahnz

if that'll make him happy. Im just kidding , this kid sounds broke.

I'm not broke at all...

Originally Posted by MediaArtist

Yeah, it's all about what makes the individual happy, and how they judge their own success.

There are starving artist out there who get by on less than $1,000 a month and live in "artist communes", and think they are living in paradise.

Personally, I love living in the boring, safe, 'burbs.

As long as we are living that is what life is about. Working long days and nights to afford a nice house you can't enjoy isn't how we are suppose to live our lives

Originally Posted by Legitimate

Little early for a mid-life crisis there.

Not a mid life crisis I was just trying to see where everyone else was at 21

Originally Posted by MiddleAgedAl

This will be your downfall until you correct that line of thinking.

There is always a bigger fish.

You could be a billionaire, and someone in your country club will have a bigger yacht than you.

This is very true I need to just focus on me, thank you!

Originally Posted by Augenbrauezug

Not if he gets one of these.


But seriously, lot's of good advice here. IMO you need to ditch the car asap, there is NO justification for owning it with 2 kids, a wife that doesn't work and you making sub 35k a year. Not spending money on other extras isn't justification, this money should be getting put into savings for your 2 kids down the road.

That is badass^^^ The car isn' that bad but I definitely need to be saving more for the kids. When I graduate i'm confident I can find a better paying job!

Originally Posted by CamelBiscuit

Go to Afghanistan and get shot at and then you will love your life.

Ok? I take this as I don't have it hard, which is true compared to your scenario.

Originally Posted by Oregano123

lol

Originally Posted by spanner1751

+1
Get rid of your E92 for something cheap and reliable, like a Corolla or Civic. You can always get another BMW later.
On the plus side, you're young and have a job. Work hard and good things are sure to come your way.
Try to get the wife to find a job that offers free child care while she's working.

The car isn't that expensive and we can afford it. If I was smart I would of got something cheap and reliable but i'm young and stupid and like luxury things. I tried telling my wife to find a secure job with benefits but she won't listen, typical women...

Originally Posted by fitchesbass

Sell the E92... I personally never understood buying a car and then having to live so tight on a budget for everything else in your life (esp if you have a fam and other priorities). I love cars more than anyone... but there are plenty of fun cars to be had that don't cost as much as an E92. Go get a E36 M3, learn how to wrench (e.g. don't take it to a mechanic for simple maintenance E36's are easy to work on) - use extra money to live your life and enjoy time with your growing family. E36 M3s can be had for sub-$10k anymore in decent condition.

In terms of not wrapping your tool... I don't know what to say about that. I'm 26 and am not married and have no kids. Have a longer term girlfriend (~2 years) and am living my life how I want to at the moment. Not personally looking for kids till I'm at least 30.

Everyone is different though, so live your life the way you want to, and enjoy it. Different strokes for different folks. Don't live your life to make other people happy; live your life to make you and your fam happy.

Edit:

And understand your wife is preggers at the moment.. but she needs to get a job sometime after the birth of the second kid. Though her salary will probably need to be weighed against the cost of day-care. In my area day-care is $$$. If she would make less than it takes to cover day-care then she could stay at home till the kids go to school... but it sounds like you need both incomes to really support your family.

Also do you have any idea what you'll use your undergrad degree for? Can you start trying to get experience or making connection to make it possible to get a better job once you're done? Should have done engineering... starting salaries are easily 50-60k minimum out of your undergrad. Too many college-aged people in the US like non-technical degrees these days... but that issue is a whole different can of worms. The US isn't going to be able to make or design anything innovative in the future at the rate US college students choose non-math or science related degrees (I digress).



Isn't this the truth (to some degree).. salary and location. 6 figures in some areas is the norm for just paying for monthly bills. I live in the DC area and while it's not the most expensive area in the US... 6 figures here is a helluva lot different then my home town back in PA. DC area you can get a mortgage on a 2- bedroom condo for what a good size single family house with a 2 / 3 car garage would go for in parts of PA.

That said, if you are making 6 figures and are still living pay check to pay check... you are living in over your head. I'd get roommates or sell my car (or never have even bought it in the first place!) if I was living pay check to pay while making 6 figures.

Money wise we re living pretty comfortable but I definitely understand what your saying. I would love to drive an older M3 but there aren't any locally, plus I don't know how to drive stick... As far as the salaries go yes it varies. 6 figures here in Vegas and you could live comfortably versus 6 figures in New York and you can barely afford an apartment lol. My degree is mainly for government management but I will get my master's in something different or apply to law school as I took the LSAT

Originally Posted by DARK_M3

Yes it is relative to where you live and then all the expenses. I'm not saying I'm paycheck to paycheck but people do tend to live at or above their means most of the time. Ah well...life is good and family is good so I can't really complain.

people like nice things that is why they live at or above their means most the time. IF your family is good then life is good too!

Originally Posted by ddk632

The problem with financial goals, from my humble and perhaps not so vast experience in the grand scheme of things, is that when one makes $X per year, the thought goes something like 'man if only I made $Y per year, I would be pretty set.'

Then when that person hits $Y per year, their tastes change and the goal post moves further away. So now, 'man, if only I made $Z per year...'

If you are ambitious and continually strive for the most out of life, this cycle, as I am beginning to realize, will never end.

The guy who wants a Ferrari but can only afford a BMW dreams of someday owning that Ferrari. Meanwhile, the guy who owns the Ferrari is dreaming about a 60' yacht and a house in Monte Carlo. I guess the guy who has all of this probably dreams of a private island or a personal country?

I believe there is nothing wrong with any of that, so long as one is grateful of where they currently are, and strives to fill their shoes TODAY to the best extent possible, so that when opportunities arise to move up, they can be seized. Be grateful for and content with what you have, but avoid stagnation and always have goals to strive for no matter what that next level is for you.

There are more areas in life to consider beyond the financial. Emotional, physical, intellectual, interpersonal, and other factors all play a role.

In my early 20's I met many physical goals, read lots of books, but didn't have a family and made no money that anyone would brag about. Now I have a family, have nice cars (not at that Ferrari level, yet!), a business, but damn if it's hard to get to the gym every day or have time to read books on my favorite subjects.

It's all relative and the advice and responses in this thread, harsh or encouraging, are all great. I would add that as you focus on one aspect of your being, naturally other aspects take a back seat. Having goals for each different aspect will help keep that balance of total happiness, so you don't feel like the wealthy guy with no family, or the unhealthy guy who has a family and a career, or any other unbalanced situation that you would consider unacceptable, since these things mean different things to different people.

If you are struggling, and don't want to sell your car, and want your wife to stay at home, you can get a second job nights and weekends to supplement. Where there is a will, there is a way. Not to sound cliche, but this philosophy has served me well in the long run.

Very true, once you get something you just want more... good advice thank you!

Originally Posted by Terraforce1

I think you are too hard on yourself.

You're only 21 and been working for 3 years. Sorry to tell you but you probably have another 44 years to go

You have a house, a wife and a child plus another on the way. Sit back and enjoy it all while you can, because one day it could all be taken away (god forbid obviously) but it sounds like you don't appreciate what you have.

All the best

Very true, I need to be more positive about my situation which I am I just wanted to see where most other BMW enthusiasts where at the age 21

Originally Posted by Asbjørn

Im going to say this, and I know you wont listen, but I will tell you anyway. The life you have now was a very weird dream 100 years ago, and if you move to China, there will be more than 1 billion people here that will make you feel very successful indeed.

All is relative, but it is hard to see if you only look at the leaders in your finance sector.

I read and listened haha thank you?

Originally Posted by grimlock

When I was 21 I was horny as hell and that was all that mattered

good for you! sounds like a lot has changed haha jk

[tshoww]

Originally Posted by ragingclue

This.

Also, it's all relative, man. Generally, Malcontents aren't happy no matter how high they climb the ladder. Work on your state of mind and that should help a lot. Sure, it won't do the things money can do, but adjusting your perspective is free.

yes very true

Originally Posted by anerbe

Since it seems your family side is established (I assume you are satisfied with the result), I would work on your occupation - to make sure it is something you enjoy doing.

I would stay in your line if there's an opportunity to grow, where you will make more money while doing something more enjoyable. If you would still hate the higher paying job, the satisfaction in making more $ will not last long. Don't get caught in the money = satisfaction cycle. Like others have said. You'll always be wanting more.

exactly I just need to find that "comfort zone"

Originally Posted by donovan

Start living like there is no tomorrow man... and stop watching the news.

haha the news is a bunch of bs half the time

Originally Posted by PSUSMU

Fail. You're not going to make money in something there's no money in

watch me?

Originally Posted by Litos

i didn't wanna be so harsh on the kid, but Public Administration is the degree that people get while working at Wal-Mart or Target.

......and when they get it, they stay at Target or Wal-Mart because it's better.....

A B.S. in Public Administration won't land me at Target or Walmart I wouldn't have wasted my money on a pointless degree, like art...

Originally Posted by Wraith.

21.. 2 kids... Wife doesn't work and a car you can't afford. Man, where to start? As others have said car has to go, wife has to work. If you don't make some changes now it's only going to get worse.

I can afford the car I don't know why everyone is saying to get rid of it lol anyways watching the baby right now is like work for her It will get better once I graduate

Originally Posted by persian54

I would think taking care of a 1 year old takes quite a lot of work...+ being pregnant..

yes it is a full-time job for her and myself when i'm home

Originally Posted by E90 87ss

Success is relative so long as your basic needs to survive and flourish are met. Most people are unable to meet the first let alone the second...

true, well said

Originally Posted by J.Lowrey

Don't focus so much on what you don't have. You're a dad, that's the most important thing ever. If that don't make you feel successful, maybe nothing will.
I'm 26, getting married next year, have 1 child, and make $45k yearly.
Could I want more? Absolutely.
But am I happy with everything as it is? Damn right I am

I like your attitude. Being a dad is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you i'm sure. Congrats on getting married!

Originally Posted by PSUSMU

You will have an uphill struggle for the rest of your life. Might as well give up now.

Ok, lets agree to disagree

Originally Posted by Augenbrauezug

I guess if you regularly go around kicking people while their down, it probably would give an ego boost.

It's ok because it is the internet

Originally Posted by aizze

Dude you're doing awesome, me I'm 21 make less then 25k a year, have a girlfriend that's most likely sleeping with another dude while I'm stuck here working the graveyard shift at this hospital. My studies are going wrong, its my 3rd year in college and I'm technically considered a sophomore/freshman with 103 credit hours, I still live with my parents and the only thing I can call my own is my car...

so yea, don't complain about your life, you are pretty well off...

that is tough bro, at least you are doing things and not just sitting at home or working a dead beat job, school is most important. sounds like the girl needs to go....

Originally Posted by Oregano123

just think along the lines of "dont care, had sex"

lol DCHS

Originally Posted by michaelthepsycho

WTF brah. I'm 23 and never worked a second in my life. I'm garbage compared to you. I think you're pretty successful. Get over the notion of upper class because most rich people are still just middle class. The fact that you have a kid at such a young age while not being broke means you're doing alright. I think you need to come inside less often, that's all.

your not garbage haha but thank you. I see what you did at the end there

Originally Posted by IFX

good god dude, your 21 and have two kids..Also married?

I'd be suicidal.


I'm 21 as well..

Al jokes aside, finish school and see what happens..

it's tough but worth it. Finishing my undergrad will be a huge burden off my shoulder's forsure.

Originally Posted by adobeee

A lot of wise words in this thread. I've enjoyed reading every post here.

I can relate to how you're feeling. My parents have been unemployed for years and opportunities just didn't seem that ripe from where I came from (Rowland Heights, CA). However, I worked hard with the encouragement of my family, got into a good business school (UC Berkeley), and landed a job at a technology investment bank. It was through perseverance and confidence without attitude that got me to where I am today.

As someone said, success is relative and comes in different ways. I truly agree with this statement. Some classify success as financial independence while others think of success as being content with life. I was 22 when I landed my investment banking gig and was probably making more than 98% of people my age in US, but I wasn't feeling truly happy. I wanted to make an impact by doing something I truly love (working at a startup or some sort) that could make a lasting impact in the world. Money may provide the means to being happy (being able to live, eat, driving a nice car), but it doesn't bring true happiness from within. I speak that from experience.

I hope I shed some light for your situation and I would recommend making a few changes:

- First immediate change I would do is to change your car if you can sell it a reasonable price and get something more affordable.
- Second intermediate change is to finish your degree.
- Third long-term change is to find a job you truly love, while keeping family at heart. Your wife may need to get another job to support the new child. This is just personal opinion, but you should have planned the second kit better.

Work hard, then you can play hard.

Yes a lot of good advice, sounds like you worked hard to get where you are at because of the things that happened around you, so congrats. The car isn't a problem we can afford that at the moment, but the degree is almost done just another month for the undergrad thank goodness. Is it even possible to find a job we truly love?

Originally Posted by vioaltec

I felt the same way when i was 21. You want everything now, the career, the house the American dream. My advice to you is to be patient and do what you can now and also it would be wise if you get rid of the BMW. You'll eventually get there.

When we can't afford the BMW it will definitely go! But it sounds like i'm just wanting what every 21 year old wants. Just have to work for it first...

[tshoww]

Originally Posted by Q4P

Unfortunately, young age is the time to have all those things...

Pure personal opinion but when I am over 60, I will absolutely care less about money... the same goes with a 401k, retirement and the like. When you are that old you.re needs should be minimal and you should have lived you're life to the fullest when you were young by that point. I feel like everone in this country has that backward only to be sorely disappointed when they hit that grandpa age and actually have that money and have no idea what to do with it or don't have that health to take advantage of it.

Just my honest 2c.

I see what your saying and agree. Being old with a lot of money can get boring, but being young and broke and living is well worth it...

[michaelthepsycho]

Originally Posted by Litos

So are you one if those spoiled kids ??

By white standards, maybe. By second-generation Asian standards... Not really. This whole concept of working while you're in high-school is so Plebeian. I respect people who work or are productive but don't give me shit cause my parents did okay. And no, this ain't directed at you. I'm talking in general. I could never be like the OP and he's got his shit together but if you had a billion, would you let your kid kill himself over 100 grand a year? Uh... No?


I vehemently loathe these spoiled / not spoiled discussions; I was just using me as an example to compare to the OP and I commend him for his productivity / not being in debt.

[Litos]

Originally Posted by michaelthepsycho

By white standards, maybe. By second-generation Asian standards... Not really. This whole concept of working while you're in high-school is so Plebeian. I respect people who work or are productive but don't give me shit cause my parents did okay. And no, this ain't directed at you. I'm talking in general. I could never be like the OP and he's got his shit together but if you had a billion, would you let your kid kill himself over 100 grand a year? Uh... No?


I vehemently loathe these spoiled / not spoiled discussions; I was just using me as an example to compare to the OP and I commend him for his productivity / not being in debt.

fair enough.

i was just curious because you drive a bimmer and allegedly a bike and have probably never worked a decent job in your life.

was wondering how you were doing it.

[kevinbahnz]

Op are you not telling us something.. Are you a secret millionaire.

[Comet]

Originally Posted by Q4P

Unfortunately, young age is the time to have all those things...

Pure personal opinion but when I am over 60, I will absolutely care less about money... the same goes with a 401k, retirement and the like. When you are that old you.re needs should be minimal and you should have lived you're life to the fullest when you were young by that point. I feel like everone in this country has that backward only to be sorely disappointed when they hit that grandpa age and actually have that money and have no idea what to do with it or don't have that health to take advantage of it.

Just my honest 2c.

This!
I know a lot of succesful people (own private jets and stuff) and they tell me the same thing. "Go buy a Ferrari, worry about being responsible later, enjoy life while you can, fuck women while you don't need viagra" <- actual quote

@OP: Success is basically being able to do what you want to do without feeling anxious doing it.
Stop looking at the next guy, don't try to keep up with the Joneses as the old adage goes. You'll drive yourself to insanity.
For a lot of people I am what people want to be, and I look at other people and say "wow, I want to be this guy". It never ends, it's never enough no matter how much you make. Find things YOU like and not for what it would look towards the asshole next door.

Success is a state of mind. I know people who feel more successful than me with so much less than I have

[Augenbrauezug]

Originally Posted by Comet

This!
I know a lot of succesful people (own private jets and stuff) and they tell me the same thing. "Go buy a Ferrari, worry about being responsible later, enjoy life while you can, fuck women while you don't need viagra" <- actual quote

@OP: Success is basically being able to do what you want to do without feeling anxious doing it.
Stop looking at the next guy, don't try to keep up with the Joneses as the old adage goes. You'll drive yourself to insanity.
For a lot of people I am what people want to be, and I look at other people and say "wow, I want to be this guy". It never ends, it's never enough no matter how much you make. Find things YOU like and not for what it would look towards the asshole next door.

Success is a state of mind. I know people who feel more successful than me with so much less than I have

While I totally agree with the quote for guys like us, he's made a decision to start having kids and raising a family. That's not the kind of commitment you make, and then say, "Well now I'll go buy a Ferrari and bang women." and I know you didn't mean for him to take it literally but he's got 18-20 years ahead of him of being responsible, and making financial decisions that aren't going to screw him down the line.

IMO the car is an unnecessary drain of money that should wait until he's graduated college and knows how much money he'll be making. I understand really wanting to keep it though, I've been there, and does depend on your payments. My e92 was surprisingly cheap.

[kevinbahnz]

This might cheer you up OP. When I was 20 my first son was born and I dropped out of college and worked for my families business making 35-40k/year never thought about buying a house or how important credit was. When I was 21 split up with the baby momma and still working for family making the same amount for the next 7 to 8 years and was living pay check to paycheck I did not know what the concept of saving money was. you feeling better yet?

[sanf]

A couple of positive things:

-Your kids will be 10 yrs old when you guys are in your early 30s.

-You guys have the energy to keep up with the new born schedule. (I am 34 with 1.5 yr old and a one month old baby...at this point, coffee or energy drinks doesn't work for me anymore). But things will get better, you probably know this already.

-at age 21, i had the an used Supra turbo MkIII. BMW was a dream to me. You have a steady job, a family and a BMW. (don't regret any of it, enjoy it)

-As far as school and being successful. It seems like you are on the right track. So do what you have to do and get thru it. Jump to another job or climb up from your current position with your degree and see where it takes you.

[Wraith.]

Originally Posted by r3cKoNize

I can afford the car I don't know why everyone is saying to get rid of it lol anyways watching the baby right now is like work for her It will get better once I graduate


.

Sorry OP, not to argue but you CANNOT afford the car.., you just haven't come to terms with that yet and that in itself is part of the problem. Most of us have been there at one time or another, holding onto something that we cherish, too close to see the ripple effect it's having on the rest of our life. I'm more than twice your age/income, we have no kids and a dual income and the payments on our Z4is are just stupid.. I can't imagine what it must be like having the responsibility you have at such a young age, fighting to hold onto car that costs 2x's your family of 4 income.

I'd be curious to hear your reasoning as to why you think you can afford it?

[Litos]

being able to make payments on a car is different than being able to afford it.....

[sanf]

Originally Posted by Litos

being able to make payments on a car is different than being able to afford it.....

so being able to afford means buying it with cash while still having $ left over?

[Comet]

Originally Posted by sanf

so being able to afford means buying it with cash while still having $ left over?

my rule of thumb is you can only afford something if you can pay for it and feel comfortable in the process
for a car, if you can buy it 5 times over, you're good

[Litos]

Originally Posted by sanf

so being able to afford means buying it with cash while still having $ left over?

able to make payments = yeah, i can make a $450-500 payment, but my bank salary will not allow me to save money due to all of my other expenses, combined with a non-working pregnant wife.

affording a car = yeah, i can make the $450-500 payment because it's a drop in the hat of the overall money i make a month.

so yes, the OP is "able to make payments", but odds are he is living paycheck to paycheck and is barely getting by.

THATS the difference.......

[ddk632]

Originally Posted by Litos

able to make payments = yeah, i can make a $450-500 payment, but my bank salary will not allow me to save money due to all of my other expenses, combined with a non-working pregnant wife.

affording a car = yeah, i can make the $450-500 payment because it's a drop in the hat of the overall money i make a month.

so yes, the OP is "able to make payments", but odds are he is living paycheck to paycheck and is barely getting by.

THATS the difference.......

Huge difference!

[JadeVetti]

OP, you sure have it in for yourself, don't you.

Success is relative to what makes you content. You're 21, married, two kids...and just wondering if all the decisions you've made thus far have been the right ones to get you where you want to be or go? What isn't normal about that? I commend you for having sense!

Listen. I remember being 21 and all I wanted was an M3. Fast forward to now, and the M3 has fallen from oblivion in my perimeters, even when it could have been a reality. Things change as you get older, and willingly, so do your circumstances, and all for the better.

Come up with a game plan on where you want to be at 25 and at 30 for starters. In a few years' time see where you've been, and where you are. Progress ain't fast or cheap. But it's progressive.

You can be hard on yourself, I won't tell you not to be. It's healthy and (in my opinion) mandatory. What else can you measure your success by if you aren't hard on yourself?

You just want to see your horizons. I cannot fault you on that. Just keep persevering. And find a way to mark your accomplishments. Year 1, Year 5 and Year 10, etc.

At 21, you have absolutely nothing to go off of, (5 years ago when you were 16?) and thus, the reason why you find yourself in such doubt and frustration.

Lastly, it's understandable why your wife cannot work now-you don't ever want to work just to pay all of daycare.

But I'll tell you right now, if she isn't anxious or being proactive about creating a Year 5 plan (that's how long it takes for a child to become school age), then you should be.

Good luck and God speed.

[JadeVetti]

Originally Posted by PSUSMU

You will have an uphill struggle for the rest of your life. Might as well give up now.

.......??!




.

[shaun671]

You have BMW, your 21 graduating from college very soon, you have a wife and kids, and you have a job. WTF outta all those things is negative?

The only thing I can see you being unhappy with is your job. But hey, you have a damn job in the first place. 30k a year is better than 0k a year. Right?

Go take a trip to the Phillippines, China, hell go walk around downtown New York and see how many people who are twice your age sleeping on the streets. Then come back here and tell us you feel unsuccessful.

As someone not too much older than yourself here's the some advice: Give everything you do 100% effort and NEVER stop trying to progress (in work, school, life in general). Set goals and never stop working to attain them. Do this and you will never look at yourself as unsuccessful.

[Litos]

Originally Posted by shaun671

You have BMW, your 21 graduating from college very soon, you have a wife and kids, and you have a job. WTF outta all those things is negative?

hhhmmm, lets see: his low paying job, a non working wife, his future 2 hungry children and the fact that he can barely afford the car payments

that about sums it up.....

[Litos]

Originally Posted by shaun671

Go take a trip to the Phillippines, China, hell go walk around downtown New York and see how many people who are twice your age sleeping on the streets.

LMFAO !!!!!

if you have to tell this kid to compare himself to uneducated people in a 3rd world country that shit in boxes, wipe their asses with their hands and reek of piss, then.....................thats just not good......