[stumpy221]

WOW...... growing up is a bitch...... My mom was strict like what you mentioned, Good grades, study hard, curfew, practice your piano, only allowed out on fri, the list goes on. I rebelled the same as your son at around the same age, when i started getting freedom. Hanging out with the unsavory crowd, grades falling, breaking curfew, getting into heaps of trouble blah blah. I could not tell you y I acted this way, Its just that it was such a departure from what i thought was a strict life that it was just fun. The drama that was created as a result of my actions was upsetting to me but at the same time it was fun to see how far i could go, may even say i thrived on this.
However i have never hit my parents, save one time my mom came at me with a pan, and i pushed her down, till this day i still regret it.
As for the girlfriend issue, if its his first, then you know how it goes stupid puppy love where they dont care, nothing will get in the way of seeing them, went through that as well
On the plus side, it took me a few yrs to snap out of the "Im invincible, egocentric, and spoiled" phase. Unfortunately it was seeing my mom crying that made me realize my actions have consequences.

If your relationship was as strong as you said it was, seek professional counseling, something in your communication is broken that needs to be fixed.

GL OP

[mileydog]

Having your son conform completely to your rules and not deviate from your precieved correctness in behavior are difficult to convey VERBALLY to your son. Like other posts state, your son will change when he is ready...not when you tell him to do it. Scare tactics, threats, phyically enforcement are indeed exacting and uncompromising yet yeild unproductive results.

My advice is to instead simply coach him into make responsilble decisions. Be amenable to his choices in life. Remember you were a kid once too. I am sure you can recall one of your own previous experiences that thought you a life lesson.

I recall my Dad saying that I was not allowed to go Snowboarding in Lake Tahoe since it was projected to snow on the weekend. Being young and ignorant, I refused to listen and took the Jeep up to hit the slopes with 3 other friends. As we started to pack the car up, we notice it was starting to snow pretty heavily. We all thought it was cool it was snowing and mindlessly started to drive home through the increasingly tough conditions.
For the people familar with the area....there are some cliffs with railings on the side...Going as slow as possible while barely seeing out the window...i attempted to get us home. One of my friends had to hang out the window to constantly keep the windows clear from ice and snow. Visibility was probably 1.5 cars ahead and I saw plently of cars sliding out of control. Now going around a bend, I lose control and start to slide towards the cliff's edge. We all start to scream but fortunately under the snow bank there is a guard rail that stops our car from falling off. A few cars stop to see if we are all okay. We needed a tow truck help get our car out of the embankment but we all escaped without injury. As we get back into the car and drive off...we notice that the guard rail stops about 20 feet ahead of us.

Morale of the story is that all my friends still talk about that day and how stupid we were. The fear and panic we felt. How that guard rail may not have been there to save our life and that uneasy feeling the blanket of snow creates when you have no control.
We still go to the snow every year just we all know that none of us want to chance it when there is a hint of snowstorms. Yes my Dad warned us, yes we all know how dangerous the road can get when it snows, and probably even today I would think its fine to go snowboarding through bad snowstroms however I felt what it is like to feel helpless...needless to say but I had to learn it the hard way. But the point is I LEARNED it. My Dad verbally told me but sometimes people just have to experience it to fully understand it. Sorry so long of a post

[aretardedorange]

Originally Posted by Scorpion

Haha tell me about it, desi parents don't joke around. Honestly I agree with what you said. I'm glad that my parents beat me when I was younger, definitely made me more responsible and respectful.

Man desi parents. I get smacked with chappals and roti pans once a week. But in the end it works. I remember still when I was only 6 my birthday party was soon and my parents had just gotten a new rug. So I spilled some chai on the rug and it left a stain. That day I got beat with sandals, shoes, even a wooden spatula. After that I never spilled anything.

My advice beat em!

[graider]

Originally Posted by aretardedorange

Man desi parents. I get smacked with chappals and roti pans once a week. But in the end it works. I remember still when I was only 6 my birthday party was soon and my parents had just gotten a new rug. So I spilled some chai on the rug and it left a stain. That day I got beat with sandals, shoes, even a wooden spatula. After that I never spilled anything.

My advice beat em!

that sounds freaking brutal man. LOL like this

I do yell at my kid before when he spill something, but I don't think beating a kid would help. In many case, I think you would traumatize the kid.

OP, best option is to slowly educate your kid. My though is if you keep explain to your kid the wrong, they will eventually get it. Like my son, he have a habit to cry whenever we don't give him something. I try to explain to him each time why that is not a good thing to do and eventually he got it. it took awhile, but it will work fine if you some patient. remember you cannot force it by beating him up or screaming/angry at him all the time as he may retaliate and the result maybe even worse than expected.

If you see someone similar to your son and the result of their wrong do it, point it out to him as a good example so he see how he would end up if he keep going the wrong way. This helps as it triggers the kid's brain to start thinking and analyze their current action.

[ronushi]

i think its best that you dont talk to him, have him talk to you when he is ready and he will. this was what my dad did with me when i would be mad at him he would just not talk with me at all and when time went by i needed to talk to him and i had no other choice but to talk to him first that was a very good way of getting over our argument

[Gavin@MMW]

You need to give him some space but let him know your there to give your advice, hes a kid, hes going to gout out and party and whatever he wants, and he is going to think hes invincible, give him some leway, have a beer with him!

thats a way to connect, and he will see you as less of a hard ass, and more of someone who knows how it is to be a kid.

Relax, lifes too short to hold on to things so tightly.

im 21, btw, Orphan.

[JohnnyM57]

1.) Your family should sit down with a psychologist and or psychiatrist, as this is not just your son's issue...it is in fact, your family's issue. You will not heal by just mending your relationship with your son. He is obviously having an internal struggle of some sort, whether that be due to a mental illness that has slowly been evolving or if there is some other variable in his life causing this to occur.

2.) You likely will not be able to fix this situation yourself, or with you and your wife. Just not going to happen. Things will get worse, and ultimately you will be left with a worse situation that this, which would actually be rather tragic.

3.) Things don't make sense in this situation, I obviously cannot tell how your home life is, or the environment in which your son has grown in, however it seems that during his development there is and was some sort of issue...meaning that somewhere along the line something caused him to take a wrong turn and led to a situation where he seems to have excessive aggression (that "something" needs to be explored prior to healing).

4.) In this situation, the advice that "just throw him out at 18" or "beat him so he understands" is probably the dumbest thing I have heard. Not all of our coping mechanisms are the same -- and likely by doing that to this overly aggressive 16yo will cause for an even more aggressive and perhaps homicidal/suicidal picture. Some people can react to things well, and learn..however some are missing that particular factor, thus the old school method can lead you to an even larger issue.

I am a Pediatric Resident M.D. so this advice is what I would likely tell you if I were to see you in my clinic.

[Letsrunem8]

Originally Posted by aretardedorange

Man desi parents. I get smacked with chappals and roti pans once a week. But in the end it works. I remember still when I was only 6 my birthday party was soon and my parents had just gotten a new rug. So I spilled some chai on the rug and it left a stain. That day I got beat with sandals, shoes, even a wooden spatula. After that I never spilled anything.

My advice beat em!

Ahhhh good ol Indian parents!

[e92ttaz2]

I got along great with my parents and I believe they are responsible for my success in life. I hope I was able to help you.

[E92Carla]

this makes me sad for you... But dont worry he's just being a crazy teenager... I've been there and I'm a girl I use to get in fights with my father as well.. Told him I hated him all this BS .... Now I'm 22 and I'm completely in love with my parents lol and regret all the stupid stuff I said and made them put up with over the years.

[Wakka]

why in the good lords name did you bump this dumpy thread?

[FFM]

Random thread revival lol.

Kid sounds like a real shit head. Comes down to respect which he did not have for his parents. Unfortunately at that state u let them go... Sounds stupid but when they hit rock bottom they will come to appreciate the life they had.

From the sounds of it he was failing at life already so wouldn't imagine it would take long on his own to come crawling back. My parents went thru the same thing with my sister. Took about 2 years I think and came back and isnt the same person at all.

My parents raised all 3 kids the same. I wanna do anything to hurt my parents growing up out of respect for them. Governed how I made decisions and ultimately raised me strict but right. My sister was a fluke and just tweaked for no good reason, she had it easy. It happens.

[NYCGP]

he shot both of us parents and took his own life.... sad story.. This is why you get professional help and not turn to car forums for advice..

[c0nstant]

the threads you make are either the best or worst things, i'm not entirely sure

[c0nstant]

shit, i just looked at the original post date. still though

[bmw-nj]

Honestly, your 100% right in this case but I think your missing something.

Your son is rebelling for a reason.

I think you need to try professional counseling and listen to what is causing him to act this way.

It won't be easy to find out but I think your definitely missing something.

[Beemw335]

Thats why its so important to never let them get that far. When they start giving attitude, you need to put them in their place.
The school they went to and friends they have plays a HUGE roll,

Cut out any allowance/help(lifts, lending the car etc)
You need to be serious with him and never let him disrepect you, I was bigger an stronger than my father when I was his age and I would take the beating and never hit back, and Im happy that he disciplined me because it teaches you how to behave and have respect, which no offense but your son sounds like a disrespectful f*ck.

What does he want to be in life? How are his grades?

[GmoBmw]

If I acted This way I would have had my azz kicked. Dude, I never acted like this with my parents. Im 23 and I have a great relationship with my parents. Man my dad would OWN me.

[etc335i]

end him to a botcamp/military academy where he's housed there. hopefully thats a wake up call. if that does work let him be and fail on his own. once he hits 18 let hm be you did everything possible to set him straight. it is tough but i think the bootcamp will work.

im 24

[justinnum1]

Originally Posted by NYCGP

he shot both of us parents and took his own life.... sad story.. This is why you get professional help and not turn to car forums for advice..

huh? the op was killed by his son?

[Blayne]

Originally Posted by justinnum1

huh? the op was killed by his son?

Wtf this for real?

[justinnum1]

im so confused