[carve]

Originally Posted by Razzy

Not all of us want to be womanizers though. Self improvement is key of course but I find that everyone keeps pointing out the "get more tail, and get the tail to chase you" line far too often.

I guess I'm a conservative and laid back type of guy who wants stability along with trust and commitment. Having similar values and beliefs is a must as well.

I will be posting up my own personal predicament After breaking up and how I feel shortly.

I was a bit of a seducer, but not a womanizer. Women LIKE seduction- it makes them feel validated and desired. I was always very respectful of every woman I've been with, got to know most at a fairly deep level, and learned a lot about myself in the process. I'm still friends with most of them (which drives my girlfriend nuts!)...just didn't want exclusive relationships with them.

[Razzy]

Originally Posted by carve

I was a bit of a seducer, but not a womanizer. Women LIKE seduction- it makes them feel validated and desired. I was always very respectful of every woman I've been with, got to know most at a fairly deep level, and learned a lot about myself in the process. I'm still friends with most of them (which drives my girlfriend nuts!)...just didn't want exclusive relationships with them.

Glad to hear that. There is a whole fad going on of PUA's (pick up artists) manipulating women and having sex with them and moving on to the next. It's as if these men need vilification and purpose. I used to think that shit was cool a few years back, but how sad is that?

Some women are no better might I add. I guess I'm old fashioned because our entire culture celibrates and promotes sex, vulgarity, materialism, obscenity and overzelousness. Take one look at instagram and all you will see is people A) posting up what they have/bought and B) women posing half naked, where they post pics every few hours with less and less clothes on. Than comes the thirsty instagram creeps drooling and salivating over the attention craving females' pics and validating her self obsessiveness and putting her on not only a pedestal but a fucking ladder.

[MiamiE93Vert]

(this advice is coming from someone who has been married almost 16 years, for context).

When you find yourself deep into a funk over her try to take a step back and put it into context. Since you are young, you just gained independence and freedom over what was comfortable. I love my wife and kids, but I sometimes miss the days where I was accountable to no one. Even if it was just me tomorrow it would not be the same. You may not realize it, but you have extreme leverage over the girls; their biological clock is ticking and they will start to get mounting pressure to get married and have kids, you don't have the same timeframe. Cherish this time in your life, you won't get it back.

You didn't waste your time, no relationship is a waste of time. You each learned something from each other (what you liked or didn't like) that will benefit you in future relationships. Relationships are as much about timing and being open to the experience as it is about compatibility, and you are lucky, you have the internet to expand your net of women who are open to the experience whenever you feel like dating again.

One last point is think about what you really miss from the relationship. Likely, it was as much about how you felt about yourself when you were with her than anything she did in real life. That is the "habit" of the relationship, not her actual presence. Work to change you habit of living from a life of a relationship to a life of a free, single young man with leverage. Because it is a habit, this is what takes the most amount of work to change.

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by MiamiE93Vert

(this advice is coming from someone who has been married almost 16 years, for context).

When you find yourself deep into a funk over her try to take a step back and put it into context. Since you are young, you just gained independence and freedom over what was comfortable. I love my wife and kids, but I sometimes miss the days where I was accountable to no one. Even if it was just me tomorrow it would not be the same. You may not realize it, but you have extreme leverage over the girls; their biological clock is ticking and they will start to get mounting pressure to get married and have kids, you don't have the same timeframe. Cherish this time in your life, you won't get it back.

You didn't waste your time, no relationship is a waste of time. You each learned something from each other (what you liked or didn't like) that will benefit you in future relationships. Relationships are as much about timing and being open to the experience as it is about compatibility, and you are lucky, you have the internet to expand your net of women who are open to the experience whenever you feel like dating again.

One last point is think about what you really miss from the relationship. Likely, it was as much about how you felt about yourself when you were with her than anything she did in real life. That is the "habit" of the relationship, not her actual presence. Work to change you habit of living from a life of a relationship to a life of a free, single young man with leverage. Because it is a habit, this is what takes the most amount of work to change.

This is realest talk i've heard all day... make that all week.

A lot of people (guys & girls) really need to ask them selves, why am i in this relationship? what am i gaining? what am i learning? I've had my share of ups and downs when it comes to relationships. I've learned so much. I learned even more about myself.

For example, my entire life i have always been told to date a girl who is a good woman, who is smart, kind and is beautiful on the inside. they told me outside looks doesnt matter because the out side look changes over time! I tried going by this advice and it almost killed me.

Hell no, i'm not going by that advice. it's BS!
Looks definately matter, i dont give a damn but i'm placing looks at my #1 priority.

After that experience i really learned a lot about myself and what i really want/need and like.