[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by ASAP

That's the obvious answer i expected... I don't agree with anywhere... that simply isn't good advice... it won't work in a vast majority of places. That is just like applying to any and all jobs without any specificity or DMing every girl you see. Or saying follow your dreams... except a dream job almost never exists and you could end up poor if you go that direction.

Eh, we'll just have to agree to disagree. Again, it's all about reading the situation which certainly includes where you are. Half hour conversation at a bar? sure. Half hour conversation at a gym in between sets? that's a good way to get a restraining order put out against you.

Originally Posted by ASAP

For the 2nd comment... MAYBE... there is a zone that a girl can put you in within the first 30 seconds... and it could be entirely based on looks.

Absolutely agree with this, initial physical attraction is not a choice. But it's not the be all end all and it's certainly not anything you can't overcome IF you're not her type or she isn't yours.

[CTinline-six]

Most women use it for validation (similar to instagram likes), and many guys use it for FWB/hookups.

Be different, be interesting. Why would someone want to meet you vs. the 100 other guys swiping on her?

A female friend showed me her profile once on her phone, and it was hilariously sad. A bunch of dudes just messaging and saying "wyd" or "hey" or "your cute". Women like a challenge. Have a witty bio, or ask them a question that kind of pokes fun at them without being insulting. If you match with someone be engaging/flirty and ask to chat over coffee. For most women asking them to come to your house right away is an automatic no. Get her laughing over coffee or drinks first, otherwise you seem like a serial killer.

I'm in decent shape and not horrible looking, but I also had low matches on Bumble or Tinder. With those apps the women have to take initiative for the most part. Obviously with Tinder they can match with you, and then you can chat, but they still have to swipe on you before any conversation can be had.

I like Hinge, because you can comment first on their photos or prompts and make them curious.

[///MPhatic]

So glad I grew up in an era where you had to actually talk to a person to make a judgement.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

At my man Turkish Pickle where that dating thread at?! Our brother here might need some place to share his experiences.

Pickle is toast He got himself banned somehow.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Pickle is toast He got himself banned somehow.

WHAT?! He really didnt seem like a confrontational guy. That really surprises me.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Most women use it for validation (similar to instagram likes), and many guys use it for FWB/hookups.

Be different, be interesting. Why would someone want to meet you vs. the 100 other guys swiping on her?

A female friend showed me her profile once on her phone, and it was hilariously sad. A bunch of dudes just messaging and saying "wyd" or "hey" or "your cute". Women like a challenge. Have a witty bio, or ask them a question that kind of pokes fun at them without being insulting. If you match with someone be engaging/flirty and ask to chat over coffee. For most women asking them to come to your house right away is an automatic no. Get her laughing over coffee or drinks first, otherwise you seem like a serial killer.

I'm in decent shape and not horrible looking, but I also had low matches on Bumble or Tinder. With those apps the women have to take initiative for the most part. Obviously with Tinder they can match with you, and then you can chat, but they still have to swipe on you before any conversation can be had.

I like Hinge, because you can comment first on their photos or prompts and make them curious.

Here is the problem without physically meeting someone, that is insanely hard to do over just an app... everyone is playing the same guy and you are one out of thousands... not 100s... thousands. Or you do chat it up for a week and then someone else comes and steals the show. Too much choice is a bad thing.

Originally Posted by ///MPhatic

So glad I grew up in an era where you had to actually talk to a person to make a judgement.

Exactly... these were better times and defined people in more meaningful ways. I met my GF thru work... but it was a cultural / meaningful connection... not looks, not attributes and other BS.... the apps were universally a waste of time.

[TXSTYLE]

Happily married for over 2 Decades. Here for the comments...

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Onesie

What? He was here yesterday… what happened?

I don't know, his profile shows banned. His last activity was a post last night.

[2008M36MT]

Originally Posted by Soul_Glo

Agreed. Rule no.1 never date/marry someone for their looks alone.

Good rule but that’s not why I’m on there for. That said it could be an unintentional outcome so the warning is well heeded.

[Alpine300zhp]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

There was a member here not long ago that would freak if someone approached her in real life but meeting someone on line was perfectly fine and safe. I think it's an age thing. The younger generation lacks interpersonal skills. Everything is texts, no talking. It's pretty sad.

Get off my lawn

Yep. What she said.

[Manny01]

I’ll post an unpopular view: If you’re in the dating scene you should strongly consider improving your physical appearance. Right, wrong, or indifferent, people’s initial impressions are largely influenced by appearance – it’s proven human psychology. Make sure you put your best foot forward for yourself, first. If you’re fat, unfit, unkept, wearing shitty clothes, etc., imagine the difference if you spent a few months getting healthy, fit, and improving your appearance? Take an inventory of what you can and should improve and dedicate the effort to do this – the self confidence boost would be massive and make you that much more attractive to the opposite sex.

Shaming people for their weight and looks is terrible. And I’m glad as a society that we’re becoming more tolerant/accepting in this space. But let’s not mesh words here. Dating is a fierce competition, and you are being judged harshly, so are you putting your best self forward?

[Lady Jane]

Originally Posted by Manny01

I’ll post an unpopular view: If you’re in the dating scene you should strongly consider improving your physical appearance.

It reminds me of a quote from a comedian: " Why are people hitchhiking dress like they don't want a ride?"

[dradernh]

Originally Posted by TXSTYLE

Happily married for over 2 Decades. Here for the comments...

Same here, for 4 decades.

Back then, it was meet through work, friends, non-work activities and hobbies, clubs and bars, open-to-the-public short courses, the Marina Safeway, and, possibly, family.

If you were out and about at that time (60s and 70s), you were going to meet plenty of possibles. It just wasn't an issue.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Manny01

I’ll post an unpopular view: If you’re in the dating scene you should strongly consider improving your physical appearance. Right, wrong, or indifferent, people’s initial impressions are largely influenced by appearance – it’s proven human psychology. Make sure you put your best foot forward for yourself, first. If you’re fat, unfit, unkept, wearing shitty clothes, etc., imagine the difference if you spent a few months getting healthy, fit, and improving your appearance? Take an inventory of what you can and should improve and dedicate the effort to do this – the self confidence boost would be massive and make you that much more attractive to the opposite sex.

Shaming people for their weight and looks is terrible. And I’m glad as a society that we’re becoming more tolerant/accepting in this space. But let’s not mesh words here. Dating is a fierce competition, and you are being judged harshly, so are you putting your best self forward?

Paragraph 1 absolutely true... and again that goes back to what I said earlier... initial impressions and how you look are EXTREMELY important and will rarely be overlooked. This is why dating apps are how they are.

For Paragraph 2 - i kind of disagree on the weight part... if someone has a disorder or simply cannot lose weight, that's one thing... but any other form of what you just mentioned promotes an unhealthy populace and that's why most of this country is now fat or entirely out of shape... its absolutely the worst in this country vs any other... i DO NOT agree this is the right approach

[2008M36MT]

Originally Posted by ASAP

Paragraph 1 absolutely true... and again that goes back to what I said earlier... initial impressions and how you look are EXTREMELY important and will rarely be overlooked. This is why dating apps are how they are.

For Paragraph 2 - i kind of disagree on the weight part... if someone has a disorder or simply cannot lose weight, that's one thing... but any other form of what you just mentioned promotes an unhealthy populace and that's why most of this country is now fat or entirely out of shape... its absolutely the worst in this country vs any other... i DO NOT agree this is the right approach

Or if you like big girls, or small girls or just girls which applies to me it doesn’t matter what weight they are. Runs the gamut for me.

[Manny01]

Originally Posted by ASAP

For Paragraph 2 - i kind of disagree on the weight part... if someone has a disorder or simply cannot lose weight, that's one thing... but any other form of what you just mentioned promotes an unhealthy populace and that's why most of this country is now fat or entirely out of shape... its absolutely the worst in this country vs any other... i DO NOT agree this is the right approach

Are you suggesting fat shaming (psychological abuse) is going to encourage people to lose weight?

If you want to reduce obesity at the societal level you need to address root causes: big agriculture, sugar subsidies, prevalence of HFCS, portion sizes, fast and quick serve, food advertising, standard american diet, food deserts, lower income access to healthy foods, poor quality food served in schools, etc.

If you want to help yourself or a friend lose weight and be healthy LONG-TERM, the above is relevant, but you also need to understand and manage the physiological and psychological causes, habits, dependencies, triggers, etc.

And to be pragmatic cause I know this is a hot topic, nothing good comes from fat shaming. But also nothing good comes from fat people pretending they don't have a problem and hiding behind body positivity and anti-body shaming. Lizzo may be beautiful [sic], but she's morbidly obese, a terrible role model, and is going to die decades early.

[ASAP]

Originally Posted by Manny01

Are you suggesting fat shaming (psychological abuse) is going to encourage people to lose weight?

If you want to reduce obesity at the societal level you need to address root causes: big agriculture, sugar subsidies, prevalence of HFCS, portion sizes, fast and quick serve, food advertising, standard american diet, food deserts, lower income access to healthy foods, poor quality food served in schools, etc.

If you want to help yourself or a friend lose weight and be healthy LONG-TERM, the above is relevant, but you also need to understand and manage the physiological and psychological causes, habits, dependencies, triggers, etc.

And to be pragmatic cause I know this is a hot topic, nothing good comes from fat shaming. But also nothing good comes from fat people pretending they don't have a problem and hiding behind body positivity and anti-body shaming. Lizzo may be beautiful [sic], but she's morbidly obese, a terrible role model, and is going to die decades early.

i think fat encouraging won't help anyone lose weight... or saying be comfortable in your skin... dont worry, have three more deserts lol... Lizzo as you mentioned being a prime example... the societal issues you mentioned WILL not be resolved as corporations would have too much to lose and the govt would need to intervene more than they can.

So what's left? I wouldn't say, hey you're a fat f... lose weight asap. I would however say, you should probably watch your weight and should eat less, exercise etc because you could be creating health issues for yourself.

Am I a bad friend because I may have hurt someone's feelings or am I an amazing friend that may have changed someone's life? I know what CNN would label me as

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by Manny01

I’ll post an unpopular view: If you’re in the dating scene you should strongly consider improving your physical appearance. Right, wrong, or indifferent, people’s initial impressions are largely influenced by appearance – it’s proven human psychology. Make sure you put your best foot forward for yourself, first. If you’re fat, unfit, unkept, wearing shitty clothes, etc., imagine the difference if you spent a few months getting healthy, fit, and improving your appearance? Take an inventory of what you can and should improve and dedicate the effort to do this – the self confidence boost would be massive and make you that much more attractive to the opposite sex.

Shaming people for their weight and looks is terrible. And I’m glad as a society that we’re becoming more tolerant/accepting in this space. But let’s not mesh words here. Dating is a fierce competition, and you are being judged harshly, so are you putting your best self forward?

Damn right! Stop being fat and ugly and poor! If people spent less time whining about these apps and more time being rich and beautiful you would probably be banging super models by now!

Just glad I'm not in the dating scene.

[2008M36MT]

The older I am the more women I find arrractive, a few days in it’s not as hard as I thought it would be to get matches and conversations.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

There was a member here not long ago that would freak if someone approached her in real life but meeting someone on line was perfectly fine and safe. I think it's an age thing. The younger generation lacks interpersonal skills. Everything is texts, no talking. It's pretty sad.

Get off my lawn

This is true! I’d prefer to look someone up before meeting them, if I can. I don’t want to end up on dateline

Originally Posted by Onesie

And Sara isn’t even that young…

Nope. Another trip around the sun for me ….. and I’m not allowed botox to hide the evidence….27 more weeks to go

[LivingInSalt]

1. Be Attractive

2. Don’t be unattractive

[Chihuahua]

Originally Posted by LivingInSalt

1. Be Attractive

2. Don’t be unattractive

This. It literally is this simple. Put in the effort to make yourself the absolute best version of yourself you can be and people will be attracted to you. HINT: this doesn't exist on an app.