[BOOST3D]

Originally Posted by youtkiddin

i wouldn't think of smoking weed or drinking with him. he has told me he wished i would. i just dont think its morally right. most of his friend live with just their dad. and thats were he wants to be. i think their dad does those things with them.

im just old school, i did as told or lost every priveledge i had. i am also veteran with 8 years in the army. so i want it done my way and now means now.

Well like I said u got to be like his bestfriend and cut him off from his friends cuz they are the ones giving bad ideas, sometimes it's ok to drink w your son, my dad does like when we go places... Don't be scared to kick his ass if he gets really out of line

[T-MC-G]

It will not work to just start asserting your authority right now, you have no foundation to build it on. you need to see a behavioral specialist and work to fix your relationship with help from outside the family. once in a while fighting is a natural part of growing up, but it shouldn't be every single day. you absolutely CAN fix your relationship but not by yourself.

good luck man

[SoCali E36]

Originally Posted by ideliver

Paragraphs, spell check and punctuation are your friend.

Does it really bother you that much that you had to post that instead of advice?

[I'm back]

Originally Posted by BigDog

youtkiddin... i would say you are not being too strict...


my mom and dad were very strict with me growing up.... there were rules and they had to be followed else consequences.... and i got disciplined ALOT.... being from an indian household.... physical punishment is the norm.... you screw up, you get spanked....


with that being said.... i can't tahnk them enough for raising me the way they did, always giving me the time and attention needed even when i misbehaved.... honestly without them i wouldn't have achieved what i have now, and i'm quite proud to say that not only are they great parents, but my best friends...


don't think you're being too strict at all

I second that. I come from a middle eastern family. Enough said.
However, i honestly think it has to do more with the type of crowd your son hangs with. Fix that, and he will turn around. It will be hard and ugly, but I've seen it with my own cousin, with many of my co-worker kids.

I personally don't see anything that you have done that is wrong.
My prayers are for you and your family!
-A

[BOOST3D]

Originally Posted by ninja_mcv

I second that. I come from a middle eastern family. Enough said.
However, i honestly think it has to do more with the type of crowd your son hangs with. Fix that, and he will turn around. It will be hard and ugly, but I've seen it with my own cousin, with many of my co-worker kids.

I personally don't see anything that you have done that is wrong.
My prayers are for you and your family!
-A

the cops thing was wrong

but everthing else is good

[Heinzftw]

Being 19 years old turning 20 here is my advice. Take it or leave it. Never had a real relationship with my father. But, after reading about your son all I can say is that he needs help. In a way that you cannot really feasibly do.

At the age of 14 I started to smoke a bit here and there and rebel towards my parents. My grades were down and I didn't care. I got caught a few months later high as a kite. That night my mom bought me a plan ticket to Wisconsin to go to boarding school. I begged her not to let me go. I kicked that shit that night.

Although my situation is nowhere near as bad as your sons. I would suggest to send him to one of the elite boarding schools in south america. I had a friend of mine who was never a bad kid just made some bad decisions. He was sent there and is now proudly a great friend of mine. If you can afford it I would definitely send him away so he can truly learn a lesson. Best of luck

[Optherion]

My parents were incredibly strict, but they were also very rewarding.

Honestly your son needs some counseling. Counseling is not a bad thing, but the difference is I had ambition when I was young. I got okay grades, nothing profound. I saw all the things my father had( cars, boats and toys) and I knew if would never get them from him or have them handed to me. The last time my parents loaned me money was my junior year of high school they would give me $20 a week for lunch money. Thats it.

I am 27 now and I know I am not norm. I did not go to college until recently when I was 25. I was raised around incredibly strict parents but, now that I am old enough and successful I can thank them.

My younger brother however, who was 6 months younger has had a complete falling out with my parents and has not spoke to them in years. I still help him out regularly, but he blames his current state of failures on them. I cant speak for all situations but kids these days seem so rebellious and have everything handed to them. Makes me sick all the 16 year-olds that come on the forum when their dad is buying them an M3.

[Optherion]

Originally Posted by Heinzftw

I would suggest to send him to one of the elite boarding schools in south america. I had a friend of mine who was never a bad kid just made some bad decisions. He was sent there and is now proudly a great friend of mine. If you can afford it I would definitely send him away so he can truly learn a lesson. Best of luck

The neighbor kids in my area have gone to 5 different boarding schools and have been through them all. They come home and raise hell, then get shipped off to the next school to handle them. Poor parents are 150k in debt from sending them all over

[ronhappy123456]

Originally Posted by Optherion

My parents were incredibly strict, but they were also very rewarding.

Honestly your son needs some counseling. Counseling is not a bad thing, but the difference is I had ambition when I was young. I got okay grades, nothing profound. I saw all the things my father had( cars, boats and toys) and I knew if would never get them from him or have them handed to me. The last time my parents loaned me money was my junior year of high school they would give me $20 a week for lunch money. Thats it.

I am 27 now and I know I am not norm. I did not go to college until recently when I was 25. I was raised around incredibly strict parents but, now that I am old enough and successful I can thank them.

My younger brother however, who was 6 months younger has had a complete falling out with my parents and has not spoke to them in years. I still help him out regularly, but he blames his current state of failures on them. I cant speak for all situations but kids these days seem so rebellious and have everything handed to them. Makes me sick all the 16 year-olds that come on the forum when their dad is buying them an M3.

I am 18 now and although i have not finished (even started for that matter) college and I'm not successful in terms of building my own life, I am currently in a similar situation as you once were. BUT it bothers me how people like you have predetermined judgements against "16 year-olds who get M3's from their dads". Sure, they could come from very well-off families, and hey, as long as they appreciate it and not make stupid decisions driving it, then more power to them.


As for the OP's problem, I've met kids like your son. He somehow needs to understand that he won't get anywhere in life as soon as he's 18 and steps out of your house. Whether it be boarding school, jail, etc. he needs a serious wake up call.

I honestly suggest you cut all his connections to his friends. friends have the power of influence. wish you the best of luck!

[jopa489]

Originally Posted by ronhappy123456

I am 18 now and although i have not finished (even started for that matter) college and I'm not successful in terms of building my own life, I am currently in a similar situation as you once were. BUT it bothers me how people like you have predetermined judgements against "16 year-olds who get M3's from their dads". Sure, they could come from very well-off families, and hey, as long as they appreciate it and not make stupid decisions driving it, then more power to them.


As for the OP's problem, I've met kids like your son. He somehow needs to understand that he won't get anywhere in life as soon as he's 18 and steps out of your house. Whether it be boarding school, jail, etc. he needs a serious wake up call.

I honestly suggest you cut all his connections to his friends. friends have the power of influence. wish you the best of luck!

I understand what you're saying, completely. In reality, it's probably not fair for people to look at a kid in a nice car and automatically assume he is a spoiled douchebag. However, the amount of 16-18 year olds that come to this forum flaunting/complaining/bitching/moaning about a $50k car that was handed to them can get irritating after a while.

There are some mature guys around here, and that's awesome. It's not so much the age of the kid or the parents who give $50k birthday presents that bother me personally - it's the cocky, spoiled attitude that grinds my gears. I would applaud a teenager who can drive a nice car without wiping it in other people's faces and being stupid with it. Maturity is key.

But I'm drifting off topic here..

[bassholic]

who pays for your sons cell phone?

[bunnn]

Originally Posted by Optherion

My younger brother however, who was 6 months younger

I know this is OT but I'm really curious how this works, unless he's a step brother/premature?

To the OP, I'm 22 now...my parents gave me all the freedom I wanted ..they believed in "it's necessary to try things on your own.." just don't fuck up your life with drug addiction and the likes... friends are reallly important IMO...I was blessed with good friends that didn't fool around too much..just your usual slacking here and there... looking back now, the influence they had on me is substantial ..hopefully your son will turn around.. i've seen some pretty bad kids turn there life around as they matured...

[Optherion]

Originally Posted by jopa489

I understand what you're saying, completely. In reality, it's probably not fair for people to look at a kid in a nice car and automatically assume he is a spoiled douchebag. However, the amount of 16-18 year olds that come to this forum flaunting/complaining/bitching/moaning about a $50k car that was handed to them can get irritating after a while.

There are some mature guys around here, and that's awesome. It's not so much the age of the kid or the parents who give $50k birthday presents that bother me personally - it's the cocky, spoiled attitude that grinds my gears. I would applaud a teenager who can drive a nice car without wiping it in other people's faces and being stupid with it. Maturity is key.

But I'm drifting off topic here..

+1 took the words right out of my mouth. Sure, Im sure there are some great wonderful kids that come on here and whos parents do get them M3's. Thats awesome, but treat your parents well and dont be a douche bag.

The reason I said it was because when I was young, I did some foolish things with POS car and learned my lessons the hard way. Because I drove a POS then, I swore to never drive one again lol 85 Ford Escort FTW.

[UncleWede]

The earlier "at least he's not gay" may actually be the problem here, especially with a military dad. Having a girlfriend and getting in trouble at her house may be a way to protect his reputation and life at school. Attacking mom and distancing himself from dad may further protect him from acknowledging his own inner turmoil. You may want to consider preparing YOURSELF for that possibility. Do you think you can love your son REGARDLESS of who he turns out to be? Really love UNCONDITIONALLY?

Your son is also a prime target for gang recruitment. If you love him, you will find some professional help that you BOTH can accept, since you can only lead a horse to water. Put your military training aside (as much as possible) and be a father, not a drill sergeant.

[Spec 1]

This story sounds earily close to my own. I was in your sons shoes, except my father wasn't around (lived out of state) and I only saw him every few months. Hated the guy because he'd try to discipline me but I felt he had no right because he hadn't been there when it mattered, just when I needed discipline. I was in multiple fights with my mothers boyfriends, in and out of trouble with the law, etc.

I'm now 25 and have a great relationship with my father.... but its been tough. I'll have to share my story with you later as I'm at work at the moment.

[youtkiddin]

SPEC 1 I would really like to hear more of what u have to say. what ur saying maybe on to something. my wife is very leniant. i work seven days straight on 3rd, then im off for a day and a half. then seven more on 1st.
then off for 5 days and then do it all again.


so maybe im only a disiplinary during my off time. the rest of the time after 3rd im obviously in bed. the day and a half off im to tired to do anything. and the 5 days off is when i kinda set back and take in whats going on around me.

[im spencer]

Boarding school is not going to help, nor is any boot camp.

Do you really think he is going to love you and tell you everything is okay after something traumatic like this? Boarding school is a poor excuse for parenting, I seriously cannot for the life of me understand why any parent would willingly dispose of their child like this. Do some bonding activities. Go karting or something, or paintballing -I dont know something mildly amusing. Either way you look at it human behavior has not really changed in the last twenty centuries. You are the pack leader, initiate dominance over him but at the same time maintain a line of respect and understanding. Did I misread or did I see that you send your son to choir? Does he enjoy that? If he doesnt stop making him do shit he doesnt want to do. I vividly remember being pissed of at my parents for making pursue an assortment of questionable trades. Does he enjoy music? Honestly, at this point you should try to infiltrate his world, to know your enemy is to love him. Bring him closer to you even if you have to act like a teenager again.

[FStop7]

I know this is a serious thread but I have to admit that the title made me think of this



oh, and hitting your own mom? instant death penalty.

[balance]

lol back in 7th grade i was like him..not as bad though
but still i later noticed the more I rebel..the more I got in trouble and get my stuff taken away
in 8th grade I grew a brain and figured that it's retarded to fight my parents, no matter what, I'm not gonna get my way and that I need to listen to them because its obviously for my own good..and we've had a great relationship to this day!
I would usually say to give him time to grow up and learn what he has done, but this is much more serious..i mean he hit HIS mom..who in their right mind does that. Counseling is probably the right thing to go for because if you send him to military school etc. he will only dislike you even more for punishing him.

Lol he needs a good beating to show him who's boss

[Optherion]

Originally Posted by balance

Lol he needs a good beating to show him who's boss

Hell I got my ass whooped a few times with a leather belt when I was about 8-10 years old. hahaha

[Spec 1]

Originally Posted by youtkiddin

SPEC 1 I would really like to hear more of what u have to say. what ur saying maybe on to something. my wife is very leniant. i work seven days straight on 3rd, then im off for a day and a half. then seven more on 1st.
then off for 5 days and then do it all again.


so maybe im only a disiplinary during my off time. the rest of the time after 3rd im obviously in bed. the day and a half off im to tired to do anything. and the 5 days off is when i kinda set back and take in whats going on around me.

I will try to respond this evening in my off time. Your situation does sound similar, as long-term leniancy from my mother and my father being around only so often and for primarily disciplinary reasons certainly messed me up. Somewhat tought me my mother could be ran over and the only way to deal with my father (or mothers boyfriends) was through violence, as that's truly what I had gained as a child.

Originally Posted by im spencer

Boarding school is not going to help, nor is any boot camp.

Do you really think he is going to love you and tell you everything is okay after something traumatic like this? Boarding school is a poor excuse for parenting...

My mother ended up shipping me off, and while I have a better relationship with her today than ever, I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive her for that. Truly feels like an abandonment. If not for my own personal growth and maturity after I became an adult, I most likely would have never spoken to her again.

[Couch]

IMO, you did what you have to do. Have you considered having your son evaluated mentally? It sounds like somethings a miss.

My cousin has been in and out of jail his whole life. His first 3 or 4 years of life were horrible and my aunt ended up adopting him from his mother. As perfect a home he could enter but the damage was done.

The family tried everything up until a few years ago (he's in his late 30's or early 40's). My dad had tried repeatedly, more than anyone else to help him out and get through to him when he would be in prison. After the last time and finding out just what his record was my dad mandated that everyone who had been giving him money and talking to him needed to stop immediately and told them they had tried everything and he never listened.

All of what you did to discipline him was very similar to mine. I respected my parents and knew the consequences could get worse. Sounds like he lacks respect for you and your wife, and probably everyone else.

I wish you the best.