[Year's_End]

Originally Posted by Garduna

Similar shit happened to be bro. Lucky I spotted the shit early and when I had talked it over with my best frends about it, they all said the same thing, gtfo asap. She got to be an attention whore on our last meet up and right there and then, I broke all ties with her. I haven't called her back or seen her since. Tho she's a friend of a friend of mine..... I'm bound to see her eventually. Tho I doubt it'll more than once a year.

Just like what everyone said, get busy with the stuff you love to do. Hobbies and join other activities. Keep busy and work hard at your office.

this is what i would do

[santov]

Sounds like she had one foot out the door. Don't compromise if she doesn't respect you, no matter how much your family liked her.

Is it too soon to ask for the videos and pictures? I always like to ask.

[uberschnell]

consider yourself lucky this ended pre-marriage (would have ended in divorce for sure otherwise)

Time heals all wounds. Move on

[McMuffin]

I hope you know you're gonna have to post pics of the ex if you wanna keep this thread alive!

[Wakka]

I cant believe any of you gave him advice without seeing noodz first. OT isnt what it used to be.

On another note... Disregard females, acquire currency.

[vioaltec]

build a brige and get over it

[intensee92]

Although you may feel down in the gutter, you gotta do things and keep yourself occupied with activities to keep your mind off of her.

Move on. Delete all communication from her. You'll be fine.

[boymonkey]

I don't think she's worth all the trouble. If she really loves you and wants to be with you long term, she'd give you more priority and listen to you more. Her parents don't have much respect for you for no reason, that says something about their character. I think you're better off moving on. You'll easily find better relationships than that. Post picture of girl?

[1cleanm6]

[QUOTE=SpeedRacer69;9077638]Hey Guys,

My ex-girlfriend (feels weird to say that) broke up with me after a 1 year and 4 month relationship. This is not the first time we've broken up, we've broken up several times since November of last year, maybe 5 or 6 times total. When we do breakup we usually get back together the next day. This time around, it seems as if its a final breakup. I needed some valuable input from you guys since I am really heartbroken . I know some of you are going to be harsh, and I'm going to have to man up and listen to everything, but be easy since I've been out of the game for a while :kick:

This is so unhealthy, fighting at this level is just retarded. Ive been through this with a 2 year relationship, this will just drive you nuts. Now that i think of it, its the perfect hint that you two arent meant to be. A relationship should be calm and relaxing, not full of fights.

-We broke up this time because of the stress and fighting that we've been putting each other through, it just hasn't been the same lately. She has been there physically but emotionally shes been missing. All of the problems started back in November, right after her birthday and when I started to really spend time with her family.

-We argue about the same things, such as her family, my expectations (commitment wise), and time management. We can never come to an agreement because she is just so stubborn and never admits to her faults/always has an explanation of things.

Really immature, no one is perfect but if a partner messes up he or she should realize it and apologize and make things right. Again dont like this personally I think it would drive me nuts dating a really stubborn person. Dont get me wrong Im stubborn myself, however in a relationship it just comes down to common sense with mistakes. Simply she/he screws up...take the time and make it right.

-One of the biggest things and main reasons why we broke up is because I was fed up with the fact that she spent time with her "guy friends" and had dinners with them alone and had different activities after (grab coffee, dessert, play pool) in which my opinion sounds like a date. She says that they are just friends and that she's known them long before she's met me and that she would not waste her time with me if she was cheating on me with them. I have a VERY hard time accepting the fact that she has male friends that she eats dinner with and goes out with them after because in my opinion I just feel that if you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't be going out with the opposite sex. What do you guys think about this situation? In the past I tried to compromise and let her go out with her guy friends, but I just can't accept it. When I asked her to drop her guy friends for me, she refuses and thinks negatively and says " If i drop my guy friends, what happens if we breakup, where do I go to?"

Seems like she keeps using this as some kind of excuse. Maybe shes not very confident in this relationship. Honestly man I know love fools you but these are all hints to move on. I wouldn't like a girl saying to me, actually I would probably not look at her the same afterwards. Theres an obvious reason one would say this.

-2nd reason is because she keeps breaking up with me, after we have a stressful argument, I hate this because we are both adults and I feel that we should talk it out like human beings, rather than leaving the other person. I would always be the one running back to her, and this time I did not run back

This is absolutely absurb. No communication

-3rd reason is her family:
I recently graduated from a major university in December with a B.A. in Finance. I had a big graduation/celebration dinner with my family and invited her family as well. I chose the restaurant specifically across the street from her house so that her parents would have no problems showing up. She decides not to take them to my graduation dinner since she says "I don't want to put them through this in case we break up in the future." I found that it was very unfair that I ALWAYS made it to all of her family events, she has 3 little brothers and I would always make it to their bday parties/event celebrations with gifts as well.

read above man.

I have no way of communication to her parents. Her parents do not speak english, and only speak Mandarin. I speak vietnamese, cantonese, and english. So there is a language barrier.

The other thing is that her family DOES NOT respect me. Her dad treats me as if I am some scumbag with no education, no job, and I just feel that with my accomplishments, no human being deserves this level of respect. Almost every time I come inside her house, I get this feeling from her dad that he does not want me to be there, unless he needs me to fix their computer.

Very sad man, this would bother me so much if I actually liked someone. You seem like a real heartful guy, im sorry about this one. You definately seem like you deserve respect. I dont even know you and I respect you.

I am mad at the fact that I invested so much time/effort into her family by showing respect and face by going to all of their events, spending time and money on her little brothers/parents and NOT receive anything back but negativity from her family after a year of trying to get them to "like me" and not have them show up to my graduation dinner really hurt me inside.

Dont be mad man, this will make you a better man in the future. You live and learn. Dont go all out for a girl who doesnt deserve it. Im sorry if this sounds rude but I think im right.

A wise friend of mine told me, "If you marry the girl, you marry her family" so I had that concept stuck in my head and always tried my best to make her family happy.

Completely wrong in my opinion.

4th reason:
In December, she asked me for a promise ring for x-mas. We went shopping for it, and we picked it out together. Christmas time came, she opened the ring box in front of her family since she wanted them to see how happy/excited she was, then left it on her table in her room. The next week I wanted to take her to get the ring sized, so when I asked her about it, she says she doesn't know how to tell me this, but she lost the ring.

Its ok for things to be lost, but it really matters how they react to it. This you shall know.

I was VERY upset/sad and she kept explaining that nobody took it from her room, her brothers did not take the ring, nor her parents did not take it. I honestly have a gut feeling that her mom secretly took the ring and hid it from her just because she didn't feel that it was right for her daughter to wear the promise ring. I can be wrong, but honestly nobody would of taken it, I don't think my ex-gf would lie about something like that either since she was crying that she felt guilty for losing the ring.

Ouch, just these kind of thoughts coming into your head is so wrong. Chill bro the girl cried and stuff.

There are positives about her though:
My family REALLY respects her, LOVES her, and always talks to her with nothing but great things to say about her attitude. They really did see her in my future and I also saw her as a potential wife/soul mate. Maybe our visions are different since I am turning 23 and she is 20 and still in school pursuing to be a registered nurse.

Dude who cares what your parents think. I mean dont get me wrong its awesome for your parents to like someone however do your parents know about how you exactly feel. Try telling them and she if they feel the same way about her.

She broke up with me 2 weeks ago, I was so mad at her I didn't call/text just let her be. The next 2 days she said she realized what she did was not right, but not all of it was her fault, and said she wanted me back for the next 2 days. I said no, and needed some time to think about the above situation (4 above reasons why I would not want her back).

The next couple of days, I tell her that I miss her and am ready to talk to her about what happen and resolve our recent problem we had. She says she needs time to think, and that she realized that it would be best for us to split up since we fight about the same things and can never come to a conclusion.

Last week, I saw her on tuesday and we made up, had sex, and then she still told me she needed another week to think about things and where they were going...

I called her on friday breaking down in tears, and because I am an honest guy I cannot mickey mouse this situation since I am older and do not want to play games. I told her that I was hurting deep down inside waiting for her, and that I was willing to resolve/compromise the issues we had faced previously. She said that it doesn't make sense for us to be back together because we'll fight about the same things over and over again, and that we'll stress each other out even more. She tells me she's made her decision to move on and that it doesn't seem that it will work later down the road. I cried and told her things such as "I don't want to lose you, I don't want to regret anything in the future" and so on... It wasn't working so I went to sleep since I had work early the next morning.

Anyways, this past sunday I finally realized that I was hurting myself too much over this relationship. I've put so much time and effort into someone that does not appreciate the things I do for her in the end. Maybe it's her age (20) and that she does not realize what she has is good, or maybe its the fact that she rather spend time with her friends than me. For whatever reason, it sounded like she was firm on her decision of breaking up with me and moving on. Changed her status on facebook and deleted all of my pictures.
I sent her a text saying,
"Hey, I thought about it, and I finally realized that I'm going to accept your decision and let go. It's been so great and we had some adventures, very unforunate we can't work things out. Call me in the future if you need any help. Good luck with school and everything else."

She does not text me back until today:

"I'm sorry too dear, goodluck with everything. I hope you get promoted within your company maybe we will get a chance to get together in the future. Thank you for everything, you'll always have a place in my heart"


Should I really move on? I mean, I don't think that I'm a bad guy to begin with. I have a stable career and recently graduated from college with a BA in Finance from a well known accredited university. Do you think that it's fair for me to deal with the level of respect that her parents show me? Or do you guys think I'm at fault for over analyzing the situation?

This week is my birthday, Friday I have dinner plans with my family and Saturday I am planning an event at a sports bar with my friends. Both of the events in which I invited her to, to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I honestly think that if she does not show up, I would be even more hurt. What do you guys think? Move on if she comes back? Accept the fact that she broke up with me? Don't try to commit into someone that does not want to commit back?

I honestly do feel that right now, she's going to have fun with her friends and all since she has freedom now. But after she's alone and has no plans with her friends, she's going to realize that her friends do not give her a feeling of love that she needs. I just have a good feeling she will come back to me in a week or two. My family is so sweet to her, and her family is not so sweet to me. Family is important to me when it comes to a relationship, and it's something that can't accept if her family does not accept me. We love each other so much/the intensity of the attraction towards each other is extreme/unexplainable and it's just the fighting that is breaking us apart. I tried to explain to her that we can work things out, but she has no hope. I really am heartbroken and need to be guided in the right direction

Listen man, im not asian, and i know you guys do things different(which i respect). But i though i can give you my opinions here because ive gone through some of the things you have. Simply man you need to realize all this fighting will not get you guys anymore. Its seems like you know your worth, so see if shes worth it. No one can really help you much, you know how you feel inside.

I can promise you with everything youve said, this is the best thing to happen to you. Move on while its early. Trust me not the advice i would like to give. I personally dont like quitting however this girl doesnt seem worthy.[/QUOTE]

[1cleanm6]

I dont care what anyone says, not until you realize your worth youll never be able to get over this. I say this because you obviously seem deep in it. Going out, drinking, hobbies, is a temp band aid on it.

Shit down get to know yourself a little better, because im sure all of this has made you disconnected. Your brain is really only thing that can help you. You need someone talking to you about this issue(a good friend) really harsh and possibly slapping you too, so you wake up lol. Your close to me come by I would love to do this lol

Good luck man, we all know you can get through this!

[dlouie87]

Move ON.

#1) you cannot be mad at her for having friends of the opposite sex. I have tons of friends that are girls... and from me being in that position... I'ld be pissed if my gf told me to dump them for her. You/I have to have a back bone and set a ground on the relationship. I'm sure things could be compromised... but #1 thing about a relationship is trust. If you cannot trust her and her word that they are friends.... then you can't be with her.

#2) By you breaking up so many times, it's became a habit... habit gets easy to abuse. If I knew my girl was always going to be there after a break up.... I'll take it for granted... you always ran back... that's your bad for spoiling her with that thought

#3) Seems like you gave 90% and she gave you 10%. That is not going to work. You cannot force her family by liking you because you invited them to stuff.... find out why they dont like you and use that to prove them wrong.

#4) In all said in done, be strong brother. I'm chinese... college grad....been through your situation. The faster you move on... the fast the other one comes. If it was really meant to me... it'll happen in the future but for now, things are broken. leave it as that.... Once a piece of paper is crumpled, you cannot get the creases out. You have to BURN IT DOWN to ash and make recycled paper. hahaha bad analogy.. but you get the point.

[m3_love]

I, as I'm sure as many others who read your post do, am sensing lots of doubts here. To me, this happens when subconsciously, and deep down in your heart, you know it wouldn't be right to go on. What you're experiencing right now is some kind of post-breakup depression, which is normal and shouldn't last too long should you chose to relieve yourself of the pain and simply let go. Look forward to a brighter future, there'll be a better girl waiting for you. Cheer up and don't let this slow you down in life, take it as an experience, it'll make you stronger and smarter when it comes to relationships in the future.

[jpsum]

Leave her. You guys are not compatible in a sense that you guys have different views on what is required for a relationship. Its much easier to leave now than later.

[Comet]

I can understand your point about the guys
what I did with my ex was I actually met them. The ones that were nice guys I was chill with her hanging out with.. the ones who down right disrespected me, that was a whole different situation.
If you haven't met them, then you have no grounds. If she refuses to introduce you, then she has no grounds.
Had a similar problem with one of my ex's friends. Whenever she is like "oh, I'm going to hang out with so and so" I'd be like "cool.." and he'd make an excuse not to show.. took a few times and eventually the guy just gave up and she understood my point and never had a problem with guys after that.

the "what if we break up" is a clear signal.

and her parents disrespecting you is not cool.

Plenty of girls out there! don't let it get you down. The best remedy right now is some random poontang.. Then the healing process can begin..
Hang out with friends, do all the things you couldn't do while you were with her (she sounds like she had you tied down) and don't ever REGRET.
You did all that stuff because you wanted to, and you can walk away with your head high bro and no one can take it away.
You enjoyed your time with her, and that's what matters.. Remember the good times and don't dwell on the past!
Now you can hit up all those girls who wanted to fuck you when you had a gf (they always pop up when you have a gf)

[skinnycow]

I skimmed through this and all i can say is move on!!!

1 - you guys have been together for 1 year and 4 months and if you guys are arguing this much and breaking up this often, then it's only going to get worst later on

2 - you don't seem to trust her and if you can't trust the person you're with, don't be with them! if you don't like that she talks/hang out with other guy, then don't be with her because that's who she is and you shouldn't try to change a person

3 - it seems like she wears the pants in this relationship, which is a bad sign of control

4 - remember "once you marry a girl, you marry her family"

5 - she's most likely talking to someone else...

it's not the end of the world, you are only feeling this way because of "comfort". you were so use to having her around and she "was your happiness", so now that she's gone, you feel miserable.. it happens, but with time you will heal and later on realize she wasn't worth it.




if you really want her back.. which i hope you don't...

avoid her at all cost, show her you don't care anymore and that you've moved on.. she will come crawling back to you..

[Dirty Tool]

This is freaky because im going through exactly what the OP is going through, i broke up with my gf about 3 weeks ago, we were together for 16 months. OP's story is like mine, parents getting involved, other guy friends e.t.c. Im also 23.

OP you just got to move on and get over it, you need closure, block her on FB, dont answer her calls, ignore texts, delete all pics you have of her e.t.c. You will get over her and life goes on, it wasn't meant to be. I went a further step and I've moved to Norway for 5 weeks to get closure from my ex-gf!

[fun ticket]

I quit reading after number one, that was all I needed. She was never really as committed as you thought and was most likely had a second f*buddy as one of her "friends". Reality check, guys have a hard time being just "friends" with chicks.

As the others have said, move on. Do not respond to texts, phone calls, emails or anything else. You really need to forget her. Happy hunting.

[NYCGP]

move on... sucks for the first few months and then it gets better. It's been about 5 months since I dropped the hammer.. Feb would have been our 4 year anniversary. If you are going through this now, ask yourself if you would want to have to do this again in the future.

[GreasyGinzo]

I got to the part where you said she would go to dinner with guy friends and stopped reading. Maybe I'm old school but that is disrespectful and makes you look like a fool.

[quagmire]

Originally Posted by SpeedRacer69

-One of the biggest things and main reasons why we broke up is because I was fed up with the fact that she spent time with her "guy friends" and had dinners with them alone and had different activities after (grab coffee, dessert, play pool) in which my opinion sounds like a date. She says that they are just friends and that she's known them long before she's met me and that she would not waste her time with me if she was cheating on me with them. I have a VERY hard time accepting the fact that she has male friends that she eats dinner with and goes out with them after because in my opinion I just feel that if you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't be going out with the opposite sex. What do you guys think about this situation? In the past I tried to compromise and let her go out with her guy friends, but I just can't accept it. When I asked her to drop her guy friends for me, she refuses and thinks negatively and says " If i drop my guy friends, what happens if we breakup, where do I go to?"

As others have been saying, you need to get over the fact that she is seeing guy friends( for future GF's). I went out to dinner and sometimes a movie or bowling as well with my female friend while she was seeing somebody. We kept everything appropriate. You can't force her to dump her guy friends. Especially if they were friends before you two got together. Now if she was cheating on you with her guy friends, then I would understand because the trust in the relationship was broken( if you decide to give her another chance that is). But, as long as she is remaining faithful to the relationship, there needs to be trust in the relationship. No relationship will last if you can't trust one another.

[Verbiage]

I love how I am tagged in every thread, no matter what the thread is about.


Srsly though OP, age differences can mean a lot; 20 doesn't seem too bad, but then again, I don't know how old you are. My longest relationship was 3.5 years. In those years I lost my mother, and she lost her father and grandmother. Most memorable/painful relationship I've ever had and as a result, I'm still single. Do your best to focus your attention elsewhere.

Do NOT go to her FB page. Do NOT try to find out what she's doing. You just gonna get mad. Or, madder. Find someone who will value you. There will always be someone better. Its guaranteed.

[Wakka]