[JoeFromPA]

OP - The first 6 months of my first born was hell, though he was healthy and good at gaining weight (he had alot of problems breastfeeding though).

However, ALOT of it was being new parents, him being an absolute terrible sleep, and my wife going through severe blood loss during giving birth resulting in severe anemia, which exacerbated into post partum depression (yes, anemia can be a strong contributor to such things). Meanwhile, she was absolutely exhausted from being a new parent of a non-sleeping child, the anxiety of being a new parent, having super low iron, etc.

I refer to the first 4 months of my first son's life as the hardest I've gone through, but also my proudest moments as a man having stepped up and taken care of my wife/family during a bad time.

You are looking and experiencing the microcosm of the newborn phase right now. And there isn't much tougher than a newborn who has apparent health issues. But bear in mind it's just that: a microcosm in time.

This will pass. Go through it in a way that makes you proud to look back on. Try your best to do the following:

1. Smile, joke, and have fun with your wife
2. Enjoy ever moment of your baby starting to smile/laugh
3. Don't EVER regret holding/singing/rocking your baby to sleep - know that once it is gone you will never get to do it again
4. Remember you are experiencing something that you may never experience again. Ever. That means it is both temporary, and something to receive joy wherever possible.

I will also add that today, I have a 5.5 month old second son. The first 4 months were hell the second time around (due to the fact he wouldn't sleep, ever, more than 1-2 hours for 4 month straight and required alot of work to get back to sleep all day, everyday). And it's still ALOT better than the first time around

[Joekerr]

Thanks guys, for the support and encouragement. Means a lot.

I needed to vent and its nice to get advice and encouragement that this will pass. I do take over the feeding as soon as I get home from work for the rest of the night because its the least I can do, but the advice mentioned by a few posters is good, while I'm trying to be that rock for my wife and be her outlet for the stress she's under, I probably really haven't focused as much on her and her needs as I should have.

[mastereh]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Thanks guys, for the support and encouragement. Means a lot.

I needed to vent and its nice to get advice and encouragement that this will pass. I do take over the feeding as soon as I get home from work for the rest of the night because its the least I can do, but the advice mentioned by a few posters is good, while I'm trying to be that rock for my wife and be her outlet for the stress she's under, I probably really haven't focused as much on her and her needs as I should have.

One thing I do is force my wife to get out of the house at least a few times a week; whether it be the gym, movie w the girls or even a walk around the neighborhood it provides her sometime to gather her sanity.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Thanks guys, for the support and encouragement. Means a lot.

I needed to vent and its nice to get advice and encouragement that this will pass. I do take over the feeding as soon as I get home from work for the rest of the night because its the least I can do, but the advice mentioned by a few posters is good, while I'm trying to be that rock for my wife and be her outlet for the stress she's under, I probably really haven't focused as much on her and her needs as I should have.

If married with kids life was easy, they'd call it single life. But hardly anything worthwhile in life is easy.

I just find that when i'm at odds with someone or find myself in a miserable mood, focusing on making someone else happy or doing something nice for the person i'm at odds with makes everything better. And those odd times that it doesn't completely rectify the problem, focusing on those other people takes my mind off of what's stressing me out or making me miserable at the moment.

[other_evolved]

Sorry to hear about the rough time, OP :-/

We've got a near-6 month old boy...our first. He eats just fine (breast fed with some bottles and just starting "food" food) but he doesn't sleep very well, at all, which makes it tough with both of us working. I hear the sleeping issues get better, though, with time.

[monkeybingo]

may be ask babycenter.com

[P1]

I have to say that both my wife and I work from home, making it much easier to manage a young child...

[KingOfJericho]

Yeah both of you working from home is a MAJOR advantage. My wife works 9-6 in downtown Manhattan, a 2hr commute each way. In a twist of fate, she was laid off last week (a month shy of her due date), so she is spending some much needed time with our daughter before the son arrives to share the spotlight. Hopefully she will find something much closer to home when she's ready to go back.

Did I mention how poor I think the treatment of pregnant women and new moms is in this country?? She came from one which leads the world in paid leave (2 yrs) to come to one with no required leave at all, in many cases (hers included).

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

Yeah both of you working from home is a MAJOR advantage. My wife works 9-6 in downtown Manhattan, a 2hr commute each way. In a twist of fate, she was laid off last week (a month shy of her due date), so she is spending some much needed time with our daughter before the son arrives to share the spotlight. Hopefully she will find something much closer to home when she's ready to go back.

Did I mention how poor I think the treatment of pregnant women and new moms is in this country?? She came from one which leads the world in paid leave (2 yrs) to come to one with no required leave at all, in many cases (hers included).

Nearly every and i mean upwards of 95% of the women i know who were working prior to being pregnant, in a career mind you, took their PAID maternity leave, and at the end of the term, when their employers were expecting them to return, decided to quit. As an employer, i can tell you that experience makes you want to start finding a replacement as soon as you know the employee is pregnant. lucky for me, only 1 of the 3 women who worked for me when becoming pregnant has done this. But i know many many women who have done this and many many employers who have experienced this.

I'm not saying i disagree with you, but the door swings both ways. It really sucks to hire someone, invest in them, train them, educate them, only to have them quit after you paid them to be absent for 3 months after they had a baby.

[PINeely]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Nearly every and i mean upwards of 95% of the women i know who were working prior to being pregnant, in a career mind you, took their PAID maternity leave, and at the end of the term, when their employers were expecting them to return, decided to quit. As an employer, i can tell you that experience makes you want to start finding a replacement as soon as you know the employee is pregnant. lucky for me, only 1 of the 3 women who worked for me when becoming pregnant has done this. But i know many many women who have done this and many many employers who have experienced this.

I'm not saying i disagree with you, but the door swings both ways. It really sucks to hire someone, invest in them, train them, educate them, only to have them quit after you paid them to be absent for 3 months after they had a baby.

Nailed it. This is also affecting the wage gap. Women are statistically paid less. This is partly because women are also statistically more likely to come to work later and leave work earlier (mostly for childcare). But without a doubt the biggest factor in employers paying a woman less is that they are 100% more likely to become pregnant than men, and when they do they are statistically NOT likely to come back to work after their paid maternity leave.

I'm not saying that I agree with this system, but I am a man of facts and science. If I had an employee who became pregnant then I would do my duty as her employer, but I would also assume that she was going to quit on me because that's the story that the numbers tell.

[chillbil79]

First 3 months were brutal. More so for the wife though.

We found out our son had reflux so he is on medicine now to control it. Before he would spit up, not eat, sleep, etc etc.

A schedule for sleeping was key. also sticking to it, letting him cry it out and not go in room

My wife breast feeds him and we found out that milk protein to cause issues. So no more dairy for the wife. Also she cut out soy and eggs. Seems to help. We are slowly introducing those foods into her diet. See if it causes little one probs

Teething is our next milestone. Sometimes he gets Motrin at night.

Boy is 9 months old and besides all the troubles and what the hell do we do now moments. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Hopefully things get better as I'm sure they will. Good luck

[kevinbahnz]

So I was laying down on the couch earlier today after picking up my 6yr old from school when I noticed this horrible stench just lingering in the air. I asked Summer what was that smell and she said "Penelope POOPED"!!! I didn't want to get up because this girl poops 3-4 times a day and i had to be back at work in 30 minutes but the smell was so bad I had to clean it up. So I tell Summer to get the diaper and wipes , let's get this over with. As soon as I get up I hear my wife pulling into our driveway and I hop back on and pretend to be asleep. Well that didn't work because every time I peeked to see how close my wife is I can see my daughter creeping up to tickle me on the neck.. Oh and my wife never made it in because she could smell it all the way outside. lolz

[IN54NITY]

OP, did you ask your pediatrician if it could be acid reflux? You have to remember that one of the last things to develop/gain strength is the muscle that closes the esophagus at the top of the stomach.

Wish you luck. I have a 15 month old son who had it bad.

https://www.google.com/search?site=&....2.x03YCfXAmGE

[grimlock]

Not having had kids I still feel compelled to advise OP.

It's a very stressful time for everyone, because the baby has needs which it cannot communicate or it will die. So for your wife and you to be stretched to the limit is normal - you will look back on it with appreciation when you have survived through it.

Do not give up or do anything you will regret - everything you give will be returned to you in multiples - but it only takes one bad move and you will spend your whole life regretting it.

Variously emotional/psychological maladies are normal for everyone, all the shit and unresolved crap from each of your past will be dug up and replayed - you must hold the line and do the good thing or you will regret it later.

For most people it's the biggest test of their lives, especially if your own childhood had been relatively calm and untested.

But if you put it on the kid, he will hate you when he grows up and you will hate yourself even more. So you must give, give and give to no end. When he/she has enough you can sit back and watch the joy you have created and be satisfied in yourself.

[ashtaron14]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

He's in Canada so they're much more liberal (read: realistic) with their maternity and paternity leave. The policy in the US is an absolute embarassment by global standards.

These are the countries with which we share our maternity leave policy: Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, Liberia and Lesotho.

In Hong Kong, our salary taxes is capped at 16%, and you don't get taxed globally, so...
Maternity leave is 10 weeks
Paternity leave is 3 days, and has to be within those 10 weeks of the maternity leave

I know those 2 things are hard to compare, but it's a competitive place.

[zx10guy]

Joekerr,

Sorry about your troubles. I can sympathize as I have a 3 month old. It's interesting how many parents have a different perspective about what you're going through when you have a "difficult" baby. Those that pretty much had a "normal" baby tend to not understand the full gravity of the difficulties the one's with the "difficult" baby go through. I can fully understand and sympathize with you as our daughter is one of those difficult babies. From the moment we got her home from the hospital, she's been having issues with digestion. It got to the point where we could easily see how big her belly got due to all the gas build up. This made her constantly cranky. And she doesn't cry like a "normal" baby. She'll start crying for a few seconds and then quickly escalate into outright screaming. This was constant throughout the entire day. We didn't get any rest from it. I actually recorded a video of one of her screaming episodes to show my friends and coworkers how bad it is as I was getting the feeling many of them thought I was exaggerating being a first time parent. Even my mom said she's never been around a baby that screams like that. I got into fights with my wife over trying to at least let her cry it out a little. The wife wants to immediately pick her up when she starts crying/screaming. Because our daughter has sort of gotten used to it, I've relented on this issue. Plus our daughter just gets exponentially hysterical with the crying/screaming as the seconds go by to the point she starts swallowing air which cascades into more bad issues. We've tried many of the remedies other parents say had worked to calm their babies down. Almost none of them work for our daughter. One of my friends bought us this bouncy chair/carrier that he said was a sure fire way to get our daughter to sleep and stay calm. It worked all of 10 minutes. That's just one example of failed suggestions.

We've tried everything with regards to breast feeding and formula. We did realize my wife needed to cut out certain foods and she's done that now such as dairy and soy. My wife is absolutely miserable as she finds it hard to get any satisfaction from anything she eats now.

We've also did the back and forth with various pediatricians. They prescribed the anti-reflux meds too. It only helped with crying/screaming from the burping. But didn't resolve the issues with the gas going the other way and the belly distention. The fortunate part of this is our daughter is still growing and gaining weight nicely.

My wife has researched a bunch of different naturalpathic treatments such as teas, Gripe water, etc. Some seem to work. Some are questionable.

We've been fortunate my father in law volunteered to stay with us for a month and half to help us through some of this. My wife had been on maternity leave and has since quit her job. But she's been going to night school to be a nurse. Things have been so bad overall she was contemplating quiting school until things got better. And I hear you about the strain in the marriage. There were times my wife and I were exploding into arguments. We recently had one about a week ago. Things seem to have settled down between us now. And for me working from home has its pluses and minuses. The plus is I get to see my girl develop and grow up. The minus is my wife expects me to be able to drop everything I do to help. This has also caused some stress and strain for me as if I lose my job there's going to be massive financial consequences.

Back to your situation, I would strongly suggest you demand your pediatrician to refer you all to a pediatric GI specialist if your insurance requires referrals. If your insurance doesn't, I would go straight to one and skip all the mess with a generalist pediatrician. My wife and I were about to demand to see a pediatric GI specialist if things escalated with our daughter.

Hang in there. I know where you are coming from and have had some of the same feelings you have/had.

[zx10guy]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Nearly every and i mean upwards of 95% of the women i know who were working prior to being pregnant, in a career mind you, took their PAID maternity leave, and at the end of the term, when their employers were expecting them to return, decided to quit. As an employer, i can tell you that experience makes you want to start finding a replacement as soon as you know the employee is pregnant. lucky for me, only 1 of the 3 women who worked for me when becoming pregnant has done this. But i know many many women who have done this and many many employers who have experienced this.

I'm not saying i disagree with you, but the door swings both ways. It really sucks to hire someone, invest in them, train them, educate them, only to have them quit after you paid them to be absent for 3 months after they had a baby.

My wife falls under this statistic as she quit right when her maternity leave stopped. Her manager wasn't too pleased. But hey, we don't feel bad about it at all. She's put in about 6 maybe 7 years at this employer. So she's more than contributed her fair share to the company and in some ways more than her fair share. We talked about this prior to her going on maternity leave. She got to the point she hated her job due to various things her manager was doing to her which just soured her view of her job position. Even though she hated her job, she still performed at a high level as evidenced by one of her coworkers sniffing out this possible scenario of her quiting. On her last day before going on maternity leave, he got on his knees begging her to come back after her maternity leave was up.

[Monster335]

Joekerr, I wanna say that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Our first was a boy born June 15, 2012. For us was not easy as well. Very little sleep for first 7 months (especially my poor wife) til this day my son can never sleep a full 8 hours, he will wake up fussing sometimes crying every 2-3 hours. At first it was hell but we never gave up and we gotten use to it now. All the doctors could say is he's not a good sleeper. My son was allergic to regular formula w/cow's milk so from 2 months to 7 months he was on a special formula that had to be ordered through mail, it was too expensive we managed by looking up craigslist for people who were selling left overs. From 8 to 11 months he was on Gerber Good Start Gentle. Now the eating, you do not need worry about it. We were worried because our son didnt like to eat and had very sensitive gag reflexes. We actually signed up to go to a swallowing expert but some miracle happened where one day our son decided it was time for him to eat so we never had to go to an expert. He started with those Gerber puffs and now he's a good eater. Very picky but we are happy that he is eating. My son at 7 months old had to be put to sleep cause doctors wanted to scope him and I remember how painful it was for me and my wife watching him put to sleep. When he was a newborn he also had the reflux like everyone else mentioned. His allergy for cow's milk went away one day around 11 months old. Hang in there, I promise you it's going to get better. It also feels better when you know someone else out there is having similar or worst issues than you are having. Thats why I went into all these details with you. Also remember not to go at each other around the kid, if he's smart he's gonna know what is going on. There is nothing better than being there to watch your kid grow up. I am so proud of my boy, since he was 2 yrs old learning to talk, every BMW that he spots on the road he will say "daddy's car" , always makes me laugh. Hang in there, and please us updated with how he's doing. I would love to read about it.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Nearly every and i mean upwards of 95% of the women i know who were working prior to being pregnant, in a career mind you, took their PAID maternity leave, and at the end of the term, when their employers were expecting them to return, decided to quit. As an employer, i can tell you that experience makes you want to start finding a replacement as soon as you know the employee is pregnant. lucky for me, only 1 of the 3 women who worked for me when becoming pregnant has done this. But i know many many women who have done this and many many employers who have experienced this.

I'm not saying i disagree with you, but the door swings both ways. It really sucks to hire someone, invest in them, train them, educate them, only to have them quit after you paid them to be absent for 3 months after they had a baby.

In most cases, the mother's salary is covered by short-term disability insurance so the excuse of "paying them to be absent for three months" doesn't really apply, especially when coverage typically lasts only 4-6 weeks in the first place. Additionally, the reason many mothers opt not to come back is that they failed to realize just how young a 12 week old child is, making the act of turning them over to a provider very difficult. That is one reason why extending the length of leave would help to solve the problem of many new mothers not coming back. It's hard to look at our 12 weeks with a straight face when many countries in the modern world offer a full year or more (UK, Denmark, Canada, Sweden, etc). My wife's employer was a smaller company and she had been there less than a year so they basically told her to pack it up and get out, which is perfectly legal in our system. Keep in mind that this is our second child and she returned to work 12 weeks after our daughter was born.

Maternity leave is a prime reason for the existance of temporary workers. I'm not talking C-level jobs, but most tasks within a company can be completed by a temp worker, especially if they are trained by the expecting mother prior to her leave.

[UncleWede]

I'm no medical expert, so take this with as much salt as you need: "Goat milk is for kids"

I have always had an issue with my wife and my sleep. We have VAST oceans of need differences. Having a baby I thought I would literally die, most likely by falling asleep on the way to/from work. I learned to always say "Amen" when I woke up at my desk.

But my youngest son is now about to start driving, and I'm still alive.

[Nitrousbird]

My experience was different in my daughter is a good eater (too good). That said, 6 months was way easier than 16 months, which was easier than 26 months. It went downhill for a while. Started getting better in the late 3 year old stage and she is now 4 years, 3 months.

Let's just say our experience caused us to be one and done. My wife wanted two kids, I was on the fence and we now have zero interest in having another.

[KingOfJericho]

What made things get so much worse over time? I've had just the opposite experience. She has become exponentially more fun as time progresses.