06-24-2006, 01:59 AM | #1 |
Major General
1062
Rep 6,381
Posts |
Directions for dummies
Here are some directions found on actual products, most are pretty funny, some are repeats but I don't feel like going through and finding them all sorry lol.
Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. Windex Do not spray in eyes. Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines. Dremel Electric Rotary Tool This product not intended for use as a dental drill. Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter Safe to use around pets. Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Endust Duster This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances. Baby Oil Keep out of reach of children Little Ones Baby Lotion Keep away from children Hair Coloring Do not use as an ice cream topping. Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use. Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap. Stridex Foaming Face Wash May contain foam. Hairdryer: Do not use while taking a shower. Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant Use only on underarms. Zantac 75 Do not take if allergic to zantac. Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. Bic Lighter Ignite lighter away from face. Komatsu Floodlight This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark Fire Extinguisher: Caution: Non-Flamable Earplugs These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire. Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes. Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition. Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim. Rain Gauge Suitable for outdoor use. RCA Television Remote Control Not Dishwasher Safe Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption Home Depot Treated Lumber Do not consume Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping. Road Sign Caution water on road during rain. Camera This camera will only work when film is inside. Road Sign Cemetery Road. Dead End Church Parking Lot Sign Thou shalt not park Children's Superman Costume Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. Silk Soy Milk Shake well and buy often Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows. Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body. Slush Puppy Cup This ice may be cold American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Nabisco Easy Cheese For best results, remove cap. Swanson TV Dinners This product must be cooked before eating. Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food 500-piece puzzle: Some assembly required. Beach Ball CAUTION: It is not a life saving device. Chainsaw Do not attempt to stop chain with hands. Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. Bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. Hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. Packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. String of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you New Zealand insect spray: This product not tested on animals. Blanket from taiwan: not to be used as protection from a tornado Cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place. Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship. Disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake. Bottle of shampoo for dogs Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish. Curling Iron Warning: This product can burn eyes. Hair Dryer Do not use in shower. Hair Dryer Do not use while sleeping. Hand-held Massaging Device Do not use while sleeping or unconscious. Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. Do not place this product into any electronic equipment. A toilet at a public sports facility Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking. Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. Container of Underarm Deodorant. Caution: Do not spray in eyes. Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter. Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks. Toner cartridge for a laser printer Do not eat toner. 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow Not intended for highway use. Can of self-defense pepper spray. May irritate eyes. Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock" Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. A frisbee Warning: May contain small parts. A toilet bowl cleaning brush. Do not use orally. A birthday card for a 1 year old. Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less. Heated seat cushion Warning: Do not use on eyes. Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets. Electric Cattle Prod For use on animals only. Can of air freshener. For use by trained personnel only. Silly Putty Do not use as ear plugs. Knife sharpening stone Warning: knives are sharp! Deodorant Do not use intimately. Rat Poison Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. Portable stroller Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. Dashboard of a mail truck Look before driving. Children's cough medicine Do not drive car or operate machinery. Sign at a railroad station Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Bottom of a supermarket dessert box Do not turn upside down. Package of dice. Not for human consumption. Bottled Drink: Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth. Shipment of hammers May be harmful if swallowed. Manual for an SGI computer. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death. Electric Thermometer. Do not use orally after using rectally. Packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. Turn off motor before using this product. 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame Not to be used as a personal flotation device. Box of bottle rockets Do not put in mouth. Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack Remove plastic before eating. Box for a car jack For lifting purposes only. Instructions for a cordless phone: Do not put lit candles on phone. Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean Do not drive cars in ocean. Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert Always drive on roads. Not on people. Bus Stop No stopping or standing. Church Sign These rows reserved for parents with children. Bag of Fritos You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. Credit card statement. Payment is due by the due date. Laundromat triple washer No small children. Sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building Take care: new non-slip surface. Box of Pills Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone. Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11 Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Can of black pepper. Instructions: usage known. Bag of cat biscuits Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants. Car Manual In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. Espresso Kettle The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position. T.V. manual Do not pour liquids into your television set. Label on a hammer Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object VCR box Instructional video on hooking up VCR included. Toilet brush Do not use for personal hygiene. Black rubber fishing worm Not for human consumption. Orange Juice Can: 100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate. Depend Adult Diapers Step into underwear and pull them on just like regular underwear. Furniture Wipes Do not use for a baby wipe. Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision. Lawnmower Warning: When Motor Is Running - The Blade Is Turning Instructions on the bottom of a grocery store pizza Do not turn upside down. Bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle Do not open here. Bottle of bathtub cleaner For best results, start with clean bathtub before use. Container of lighter fluid WARNING: Contents flammable! Box of household nails CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation! Microwave popcorn, packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it Direction ..1: Remove plastic. Drink bottle label Do not peel label off. Woolite carpet cleaner Safe for carpets, too! Box of Frosted Cheerio's The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here." Sterno Do not use near fire or flame. Container of salt Warning: High in sodium Hose Nozzle Do not spray into electrical outlet.
__________________
Nikki
|
06-24-2006, 02:52 AM | #2 |
Second Lieutenant
24
Rep 208
Posts |
theres reasons they put those labels on those products (Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping).....because some moron A-hole thought hair coloring might actually taste good on ice cream its like the lady that sued mcdonalds because she spilled her coffee on herself and nowhere did it say it was hot |
Appreciate
0
|
06-24-2006, 04:14 AM | #3 |
Major General
148
Rep 5,080
Posts
Drives: 530d
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Gloucestershire
|
... and the old lady who put her pet dog in the microwave to dry it after washing!
__________________
Gone: Fiesta - Focus - E46 320dSE - E91 330dMSport - E82 135iMSport - R55 JCW Clubman - M135i Now: 530d |
Appreciate
0
|
07-09-2006, 05:28 PM | #6 |
Colonel
257
Rep 2,059
Posts |
This is my pic
Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets.
__________________
330i 6MT l 255 HP @ 5900 rpm 214 lb-ft Torque @ 3500 rpm l Alpine White l Beige l Aluminum l ZSP l 494 l PDC
"Freude am Fahren" = "Joy to Drive" |
Appreciate
0
|
Post Reply |
Bookmarks |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
|
|