[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Templar

I think you should post more threads about how terrible marriage is and how horrible having kids is. You haven't quite gotten your point across methinks.

[pgviper]

In the end, marriage is a personal choice. People's opinions are driven by their experiences and the experiences of those around them.

I too know people who have gone through terrible divorces. It sucks and I wish that on nobody but I have also seen people be pulled from a terrible place in life because of marriage. I have seen people turn their lives around because of marriage.

It is a scary commitment because it takes two people for marriage to be successful. It takes integrity and putting someone else's needs over yourselves. For carve and bobble, it seems that your ex-SO failed to do so and I feel for you guys. Its a nightmare and terrible situation and I hope you guys have found happiness elsewhere...

But to think that there is "nothing in it for guys" is an opinion. You pose it as a question but in doing so are showing your opinion due to personal circumstance. Not only am I sorry for you guys, I am sorry for whoever your pessimistic views have influenced because there is plenty to gain in marriage and thinking that your personal circumstance is the rule is an extremely "half empty" view on life.

[Bobble]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

I was the same dude before I got married as I am right now. Sure, my surroundings and attachments have evolved, but my marriage and kids (one 21M old and another due in a few weeks) haven't changed who I am inside. It just so happens that I seem to have always been a caring and loving dad inside as I think I've taken to it very naturally.

My cousin's uncle, on the other hand, was broken early. We have it narrowed down to two scenarios. He's either too selfish to share his life with anyone, or he's been gay the entire time but his parents were extremely homophobic so that may have robbed him of that potentially joyful relationship (we lean toward the latter). Sad story no matter how you slice it.

Exactly as I said marriage did not cultivate those values rather your inner being did and honestly great for you. Glad to hear that, too few people in world that way.
Hearing the rest about your uncle or cousins uncle is even sadder. If he is gay but cultural values do not allow him to be himself that is terrible. My mom is homophobic, my daughter is bisexual and in a same sex marriage in WA state. We danced around things with my mom, she's 95 and speaks her mind. I had to have a very harsh sit down with her to let her grand daughter be the person she was made to be. Worked out, her other grand parents won't speak to my daughter but their loss. She truly is a wonderful person(I'm not objective on that obviously). Hope your newborn is healthy and gives you 150% to cherish. That's a great time in life, young kids they're such a joy and so purely genuine.

[carve]

Originally Posted by pgviper

In the end, marriage is a personal choice. People's opinions are driven by their experiences and the experiences of those around them.

I too know people who have gone through terrible divorces. It sucks and I wish that on nobody but I have also seen people be pulled from a terrible place in life because of marriage. I have seen people turn their lives around because of marriage.

It is a scary commitment because it takes two people for marriage to be successful. It takes integrity and putting someone else's needs over yourselves. For carve and bobble, it seems that your ex-SO failed to do so and I feel for you guys. Its a nightmare and terrible situation and I hope you guys have found happiness elsewhere...

But to think that there is "nothing in it for guys" is an opinion. You pose it as a question but in doing so are showing your opinion due to personal circumstance. Not only am I sorry for you guys, I am sorry for whoever your pessimistic views have influenced because there is plenty to gain in marriage and thinking that your personal circumstance is the rule is an extremely "half empty" view on life.

You're sorry for us? How patronizing. There's nothing to feel sorry about- I have a wonderful relationship now. What do you suppose would improve about it by signing a financial contract with the state? Why do you need said contract and threat of penalty to have commitment and a good relationship? The financial penalty really only serves to dis-incentivize women and to keep men in unhealthy relationships. (It wasn't always the case- it's just the reality in 2015). I've turned my life around by NOT involving the state in my relationship. Lesson learned. I'm asking you: what's in it for you, as a man, to involve the state in your relationship?

[pgviper]

Originally Posted by carve

How patronizing. I have a wonderful relationship now. What do you suppose would improve about it by signing a financial contract with the state? Why do you need said contract and threat of penalty to have commitment and a good relationship? The financial penalty really only serves to dis-incentivize women and to keep men in unhealthy relationships. (It wasn't always the case- it's just the reality in 2015)

If you don't plan on having kids... Then you are right, I see no point in it. To me, not having kids was never an option.

[carve]

Originally Posted by pgviper

If you don't plan on having kids... Then you are right, I see no point in it. To me, not having kids was never an option.

You know, I really hadn't even thought about any of this until recently. My GF mentioned something a few months ago...basically "I can tell marriage doesn't interest you" (and she seems fine with that). I thought "not necessarily...maybe one day", but then it got me thinking...."why"? What would the advantage be, and why do people do that? I couldn't really think of a logical advantage. Looks like it's a hot topic here.

[Bobble]

Originally Posted by pgviper

In the end, marriage is a personal choice. People's opinions are driven by their experiences and the experiences of those around them.

I too know people who have gone through terrible divorces. It sucks and I wish that on nobody but I have also seen people be pulled from a terrible place in life because of marriage. I have seen people turn their lives around because of marriage.

It is a scary commitment because it takes two people for marriage to be successful. It takes integrity and putting someone else's needs over yourselves. For carve and bobble, it seems that your ex-SO failed to do so and I feel for you guys. Its a nightmare and terrible situation and I hope you guys have found happiness elsewhere...

But to think that there is "nothing in it for guys" is an opinion. You pose it as a question but in doing so are showing your opinion due to personal circumstance. Not only am I sorry for you guys, I am sorry for whoever your pessimistic views have influenced because there is plenty to gain in marriage and thinking that your personal circumstance is the rule is an extremely "half empty" view on life.

Thanks but in parting I am not a half empty person quite the contrary in reality. I never sway or state my opinion to people whom it may matter to unless they are about to enter a destructive path. I am beyond happy today with a wonderful person who views us as equals and partners. Simply our opinion is marriage is not needed to be there, it's who we are as people. As far as opinion goes I believe the majority of my ramblings had IMO in them. I fully realize at the ripe old age of 57 that opinion guides 70% of what I do daily but it does not make me judge. I was simply offering a rebuttal to statements made and really believe you are whom you are and whom you are destined to be.

[pgviper]

Originally Posted by carve

I actually have friends in Germany who never actually got married but had been together for 20 years or so.

They had two kids and then realized that it was a dangerous situation in case one of them suddenly passed so they decided to get married. If they didn't have kids, they never would have done it.

Didn't mean to be patronizing, you can only take so much from what someone writes on a forum. You two look happy, keep it up!

[monkeybingo]

Also, the true devil here are the lawyers..they lure you with the financial rewards from the outcome

[Templar]

Originally Posted by carve

Can't answer the question?

I love my wife more than I ever thought I could love someone else. We are so much alike it's kind of creepy at times. Before I met her, I also thought I would never get married. I took a chance on staying with her for a few years before we got married, and I can't imagine it being any other way.

I could probably write a book on the ways we are similar and how I never saw it coming, but I don't really feel the need to explain it to you since you won't get it anyway. At the end of the day, it's a personal decision so do whatever the hell you want. Just stop bitching to others here constantly about how horrible their lives must be because they did something you have no interest in doing. It really seems that this is the only topic you post about lately.

[carve]

I've no doubt you love her and you don't have to explain it to me. I'm not bitching or saying your life is miserable; you're reading that in yourself. I'm just wondering what the advantage of signing a contract was. What's in it for you to get the state involved. That's the question for anyone who cares to chime in. If you don't feel like answering there's no need to insult me for asking

This topic is about two hours old. Questioning things that are typically taken for granted always makes for an interesting thread because people don't realize how much they take for granted. This thread is on fire!

[Whostheboss]

This thread quickly jumped to 3 pages already? damn!
So what does this mean as a Social experiment? Here's what i got from this thread:

1)Marriage is not for everyone.

2) Some people got married because they felt pressured to do so or they thought marriage was the 'next thing' in life to do.

3)Some married people on this forum are insecure and hate threads like this because it reminds them about their awful marriage.

4) And others are married and very happy.


For me, i'm 31 and i'm not married, heck i don't even have a girlfriend, heck i've never had a girlfriend in my 31yrs. I just date here and there.

I can absolutely tell you all that i'd love to get married one day and i'd love to have kids.

The girls that i'm attracted to are not wife worthy and the girls that are wife worthy are not attractive!

[monkeybingo]

Originally Posted by Whostheboss

This thread quickly jumped to 3 pages already? damn!
So what does this mean as a Social experiment? Here's what i got from this thread:

1)Marriage is not for everyone.

2) Some people got married because they felt pressured to do so or they thought marriage was the 'next thing' in life to do.

3)Some married people on this forum are insecure and hate threads like this because it reminds them about their awful marriage.

4) And others are married and very happy.


For me, i'm 31 and i'm not married, heck i don't even have a girlfriend, heck i've never had a girlfriend in my 31yrs. I just date here and there.

I can absolutely tell you all that i'd love to get married one day and i'd love to have kids.

The girls that i'm attracted to are not wife worthy and the girls that are wife worthy are not attractive!

5) Wealth and financial stability

I bet you have dated a lot Stacys

[squishy]

I know right, the good moms are just so homely and basic bitch looking

[g_petko]

I think it's good to get a lot of different point of views and hear different scenarios going on.

I would think it's quiet simple - If you are unsure about if marrying the girl you're with is the right thing = differently don't do it!

In my last relationship it got to the point where I had to start seriously considering which road I was going to go down, and unfortunately due to her unwillingness to be flexible with certain beliefs/her family being bat shit crazy, I go the hell outta there.

Best thing I've ever done to this point in my life. With that being said, I def would like to do the whole wife and kids thing, but only if I find the right woman - Not going to settle down for the sake of it.

[UncleWede]

I'll let you know what *I* got out of the contract: medical insurance when I wasn't employed by a company that would help me get insurance.

We had a house, a kid, and been together about 6-7 years. I had given her a "wedding" ring one Christmas, in front of tons of family, making the statement "You put it on and you agree to stick together, and make me dinner." OK, that last part didn't go over so well

Eventually she really wanted that piece of paper. I got laid off. She came home with her company policy that it covers "same-sex life partners" so she could get it for me. Well, you have insurance, you have to make the change. That was a Thursday. We got married on Saturday, IIRC.

Women do NOT always get the alimony. I personally know men who ended up getting a check every month from their ex, and one for taking care of the kids too.

[monkeybingo]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

I'll let you know what *I* got out of the contract: medical insurance when I wasn't employed by a company that would help me get insurance.

We had a house, a kid, and been together about 6-7 years. I had given her a "wedding" ring one Christmas, in front of tons of family, making the statement "You put it on and you agree to stick together, and make me dinner." OK, that last part didn't go over so well

Eventually she really wanted that piece of paper. I got laid off. She came home with her company policy that it covers "same-sex life partners" so she could get it for me. Well, you have insurance, you have to make the change. That was a Thursday. We got married on Saturday, IIRC.

Women do NOT always get the alimony. I personally know men who ended up getting a check every month from their ex, and one for taking care of the kids too.

It's not about woman or man. The alimony payments are determined by who makes more money. Based on recent studies, only 5% of the divorce accounts if the woman makes more money. In the other way, 95% was accounted when man makes more money. That basically determines that men are less stressful financially creating a happy marriage.

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by monkeybingo

5) Wealth and financial stability

I bet you have dated a lot Stacys

lol what's a Stacy?

[dreamingat30fps]

So basically 3 pages to say: There is no advantage, however we do it anyways cause we do want we want!

[Sephiroth]

Regardless of your circumstances, If you have to ask "what's in it for me", then marriage is not for you.

[grimlock]

I know i must probably get married eventually, because for societal reasons and mainly is a must for having kids (for me) but the mental gap is still so large there are many questions I required to be answered before I will willingly go there.
I don't mind the destination - as I see no other option (eternal bachelorhood is not an option although i wouldn't mind fucking mad bitches into senility however a recent visit to disneyland in which my car was vandalized (in HK, of all places) for being too showy) has persuaded me that most of humanity is envious and hateful, thus marriage is an act of self-preservation unless someone knows a locale with friendlier natives..

In all seriousness, chocolate, vanilla, or EVEN strawberry - it's all individual preference.

But can the haters just stop hating for once.
Yes, this means those who accuse others of poo-pooing their life choices while they are the ones themselves who are hypocritically NOT ALLOWING others to feel good about their own lives.

[Billup]

You could just be like that guy on TLC with five wives and have big orgies every night?